It was September 11, 2024.  It was a normal day at my VoTech school.  It was the middle of class when I received a text from my mom: “Let me know what’s going on.”  It sent chills down my spine, yet I brushed it off.  However, it lingered in my mind, and I asked her for context.  Turns out, the high school next door received a shooting threat.  That’s when all the pieces connected in my mind.  There were an unusual number of announcements earlier direct to our teachers and our building was on a look down, disguised as a drill.  The school put us in the dark, leaving us completely unaware of the dangers we could’ve been in.  It was only at the end of class (which was 2 hours later) that my teacher told us what was truly going on.  My mom, however, thought we knew when she texted me in the middle of class.  Thankfully, it was an empty threat and nobody was hurt.  However, as I got on my bus to leave, I became angry and upset that nobody told us what was going on until it didn’t matter anymore.  We, the students, were the ones in harm's way and they didn’t bother telling us.  These thoughts have been whirling around in my mind for weeks now and have made me bitter to my schools’ systems even more.  I just felt like I needed to speak up about it.  So, the short story (with some setting changes and artist freedoms) is based on that experience, if something truly happened in my building that day.

A High Schooler’s Encounter with Fear

I hated the sound a latex balloon made when it popped.  I hated how loud it was.  I hated how it made me flinch so hard that my muscles would hurt.  I hated how I’d get a headache from scrunching my face from every pop.  I hated how unpredictable it was.  I hated how they sounded like the gunshots from that day. 

I felt like I’d die right then and there.  My grave was set and my stone was preparing to cover my tomb.   I dropped to the floor in the back of the library, the corner once where my friends and I would hide to be away from our other classmates for some quiet.  Now it was a spot where I was hiding myself from death.  I didn’t want to die. I was just 16.

It had been a normal day, at least that's what we, the students, thought.  Well, that was exactly what people said about today 23 years ago on September 11, 2001.  Our bell had rung telling us 3rd period was over.  That’s when it started. 

A classmate, a guy I’d make small talk with, pulled out a shotgun from his backpack and shot my English teacher in her shoulder.  His eyes were cold and of rage, just the sight of his expression was enough to send me sprinting out of the room and into the library.  My head spun and my mouth couldn’t make a sound.  Screams rang out.  Everyone could hear it.  My peers yelled for their friends, screamed in fear, shielded themselves and yelled that they didn’t want to die.  I took shelter in a corner.  I had nothing but books, shelves, and my panic.  My backpack was the last thing on my mind in the moment, though I deeply regretted it.  I had no way of contacting my loved ones goodbye.

Other kids fled to the library with me and hid.  Silent cries and quiet whines of pain whispered in my ears.  It surrounded me.  Why pick this day?  Why kill a bunch of innocent people because of your whirling emotions that are temporary?   What burned your heart so badly that you must spread it to innocent people like you?

Quickly, the sounds from the gunshots that filled the whole room with its fury like a flood.  I felt like I was drowning in a tide of its fury.  I couldn’t come up for air.  Its sound bounced off every shelf, wall, and book.  The library was the biggest room inside the school and doors on all four sides led out to a connected square hallway.  Who knows where he was or he was targeting. 

Silence.  A crippling, suffocating silence.  It was almost as if my senses peaked.  My ears rang, searching for every creak, every breath, and every step.  My head spun and my hands pushed down on the floor trying to keep myself on the ground as if I’d suddenly fly away.  My legs pressed so hard against my lungs, trying to hide myself as much as possible.  My breaths felt weighted and difficult as my mind continued racing, almost enough to give me a headache.  I was crouched like a puppy in a rainstorm. 

  The door to the library creaked open, the same door I fled through.  He was here, stalking people like a mountain lion.  My head spun like a carousel of death.  My eyes were like a storm ready to pour.  My heart was beating with no meaning.  My lungs gathered all the air it could.  I could swear that the adrenaline was the only thing keeping me from fainting.  I gripped my necklace.  It was a cross.  I rubbed it hoping God would hear me and see me, fearing that the shooter could read my thoughts.  I was completely trapped, and he was here. 

“Please! Please!” Someone pleaded running across the room in agony.  I dared not to look, not even that, I could barely move.

A few seconds later, he fired his gun again without giving me a chance to cover my ears.  She erupted into a deafening silence and a thud to the ground.  My body shook.  I couldn’t stop it.  Every one of my movements felt like they were attached to a microphone for him to find me.  What should I do? What was there to do?  His footsteps grew louder.  His gun clacked against his side.  I could feel his presence behind me.  My stone began to close my grave.

A voice spoke over me.  Soft, yet powerful.  It was something deeper, something spoke to my soul saying: “It’s not your time, my child.”  The stone of my grave stopped closing from those words and time slowed.  My breath hitched, yet my muscles relaxed.  My heart slowed steadily, and my mind slowed its race.  I couldn’t deny it.  Denial wasn’t an option for something that was so clearly spoken to my soul. 

“Peace be with you” A low voice spoke.  I looked up at the ceiling.  It was familiar.  A call from home.   A home that wasn’t ready for me yet. 

“It is not your time, my child” The voice repeated clearly to me.  More tears ran down my face.  I knew that voice.  How was it not my time when the voice from heaven reached out to speak to me?

The shooter’s shadow rose beside.  The reaper of death had come to show me my grave.  I stopped breathing, fearing death would take me faster.  I prayed through the words spoken over me.  They were stronger than this shooter. 

Soon there he was beside me peeking around the corner, looking for me.  His gaze glazed over me, almost as if I was just a book on the shelf.

“My son,” Cried out the voice.  His body froze.  He heard it too.  “This is not what I have planned for you,” He turned back. 

Suddenly, police broke in, shields raised and yelling.  I braced myself, fully believing the next sound would be a gunshot.  But then…silence.  The shooter dropped his gun.  It clacked to the ground.  He was surrendering.  I stared at him with shook.  The stone that tried to cover my grave was gone.  He gazed at his gun as police rushed towards him.  His gaze reached me, and his eyes widened.  He truly didn’t see me. 

“H-how.” He stuttered out.  The police reached him, cuffing him and confiscating the gun.  Quickly paramedics rushed in, tending to the wounded and the girl who was shot directly.  Students stood up from their spots and stared at me.  They were just as shocked and confused as he was. 

Soon after, they told us to grab our stuff and leave the building as parents rushed to take their children home.  As I walked out of the library with my peers, many asked me why he didn’t shoot me and how I was lucky to be alive.  It wasn’t luck.  It was something else.  Something bigger than luck. 

I hurriedly took my backpack from my English room and started my way out of the building.  I dug my phone out and saw the messages I received from my mom.  I read the first one.  “Be safe, my baby, please let me know if anything happens.”  What was she talking about?  Something happening on 9/11?  She was right but this text was almost an hour before it happened.  She predicted it.  I kept scrolling.  Her next message was a prayer followed by more texts, begging me to answer her, more urgent than the last.  I stopped dead in my tracks once I read the final message.  “The school called me about a possible shooting threat for today, please call me.” 

I felt my heart drop.  I felt like a deer in the headlights.  The school knew and didn’t warn us?  The people who were in harm's way were left in the dark to fend for themselves.  So many people could have died, some people did die.  I could’ve died.  Does the school actually care about us?  We aren’t children anymore.  We are almost adults, and yet they kept something that could have changed or ended our lives forever and locked it into a vault for us to never know because of the sole reason of preventing us from panicking.  Turns out, the shooter wasn’t our big threat.  It was school.  The school and their silence.

The LORD is perfect.  You are not.  If everyone was perfect, nothing would be unique, or interesting.  Your success and failures are what make you an individual, interesting and unique.  The things you learn from your mistakes make you who you are today.  If you didn’t make those mistakes in the past, you would not have learned those life lessons that have made you the person you are today. 

Failure is a lesson.  It teaches you what not to do, what happens if you do it, and how to do it correctly.  For example, I bombed my last test in geometry 2 a week before my quarterly test.  This test caused my grade to drop to an 89%, which is a high B.  This really upset me because my goal is to graduate with all A’s in my four years of high school.  So, as soon as my teacher handed back my graded test, I looked over what I did wrong.  I examined and took note of everything I got wrong.  I made sure I completely understood it, so once the quarterly test came, I knew exactly what I was doing.  Once the grades were in, I immediately checked my geometry grade first.  It was now 90%.  

Once I understood and fixed my mistakes, I felt less stressed and more confident that I’d do great on my quarterly test.  I knew what I needed to do and what I shouldn’t do, so I succeeded.  If you truly put in the effort to understand your failures, you’ll feel more confident and you’ll be guaranteed to succeed.    

Do not give up after you fail, especially if you are following God’s direction.  If you give up, you’ll miss what God had in store for you or someone else.  Take the story of Moses as an example.  Moses was called upon God to save the Israelites from slavery in Egypt.  When Moses confronted the pharaoh for the first time, he was denied.  Moses persevered and confronted the pharaoh nine more times.  During those nine times, God sent out nine plagues to help Moses convince the pharaoh, which worked, and the pharaoh set them free. 

Now, imagine if Moses stopped trying to convince the pharaoh after the first few times.  If Moses had stopped, God’s people might have never been freed.  They would have stayed in slavery, suffering and still praying for the LORD to send someone to save them.  Or worse yet, the entire nation could have become extinct because the Egyptians were killing off the Israelite babies. 

Your failures should not be mourned over, nor force you to give up.  With the LORD on your side and the effort you put in to correct your mistakes, you’ll be sure to succeed and become wiser than you were before.  Make the decision today that when you fall down, you will get back up again!  This is a plan that will give you victory in every area of life.

Who do you want others to say you are to them? I want to be a person known for caring about others. Someone that they know cares about them. Someone who shows up with extra to share. Like bringing a spare water bottle or food for others to eat. Someone who helps them with problems when they get stuck. I want to be someone who smiles at others when I see them at school or work every day. As nice as that sounds, it’s not always easy.

To be that kind of person, I must have good influences surrounding me and encouraging me. Jesus is my biggest influence. His kindness, His mercy, His patience, His peace, and His love are for everyone no matter who they are or what they’ve done. Jesus was a good friend to everyone he knew in His time. Many of them were rejected by their peers. Let’s take Matthew, the tax collector, as an example. Back in Jesus’s time, tax collectors were hated and distrusted by people because they’d ask for more money than required and keep it for themselves. Everyone knew this, even Jesus. So, what did Jesus do when He saw Matthew?

Jesus knew who Matthew was and what he did, but even so, He asked Matthew to follow Him, so Matthew left everything behind and followed Jesus. That is just who Jesus was. No matter who you are or what you’ve done, He looks past it and asks you to simply follow Him, repent and turn from your sins.

I had a good childhood growing up and I grew up with people whose families were just like mine. I attended a Catholic school and had a special class for “religion” every day. Everyone knew God and the stories in the bible. Then I left that life. My family decided to move out of the city. The housing market was crazy competitive, and our house ended up selling before we could find a new house. We had to live in an apartment for a few months and I transferred to a public school nearby because the people in my catholic school were drifting from God. (I ended up attending that school for half a school year and then to my current one for the rest) My whole world flipped. All of the things I took for granted were not so common in this new world. I didn’t realize how good I had it until other people opened up to me about their lives.

People opened up to me very quickly. Whether it’s an anointing God has placed on me or maybe kids just trust anyone with their personal business. Either way, people told me about their lives. They opened my eyes to how common it was for parents to be separated, for any type of abuse to occur, and how common it was to have a mental illness. They’d talk about how they hated their parents and the drama that occurred with other people that I knew. It felt like I was being told my house burned down and I’d have to start all over. They told me everything, even information that I would never share with anyone. I am so thankful that I have been blessed with an amazing life, and parents. I don’t know where I would be if not.

 Due to these experiences and how they affected my new friends, some of them turned out differently from other people, and they were bullied. I never heard or saw it, but I knew it was happening from the looks and whispers people I noticed. Despite this, I chose to treat them with compassion, and kindness. I didn’t give them “special treatment” I just treated them like everybody else. I wanted to show them that they deserve to be cared about because everyone does. I wanted to show that I care about them, just like Jesus, and I hope I did.

God says that everyone is important and worthy of care, and whatever God says is true. I try my best to help others understand that they are important and encourage them to show others that they are important too. I hope that this inspires you to be someone who cares about others just as much as God cares for us.

Will this benefit my relationship with the LORD?  Every step I take leaves an impact on my life and my relationship with God.  Unfortunately, the world that I am living in doesn’t make it easy.

To give you a better idea, the world I live in is a world full of young, impressionable teenagers.  They are in the stages of being more exposed to the “real” world and finding who they are.  They are being fed ungodly information and forced into ideals they are supposed to normalize.  I happen to be stuck inside this mess.  I watch people’s actions and hear people’s words more than ever before.  They are hurtful, sad, and uncompassionate.  No amount of school bullying assemblies can stop the actions and words I hear said to the people around me.  It’s scary and I wish to never fall victim to those words or actions.  

It is good to care about how you are presented to others but too much care is unhealthy.  For me, people’s opinions about me are very meaningful but so are the God’s.  Sometimes whenever I’m in school, people’s opinions matter more than the LORD’s.  I know I’m not supposed to put their opinions above His, but it is difficult.  However, I should not let this dictate my life because I know this will drive me farther from Him and the many steps I have yet to take with Him.  I believe that this is standing in the way for many people including myself but I know I can overcome this battle with the LORD by my side.

On my birthday, I decided to wear a floral belt corset to school because I wanted to feel extra special.  However, once I left the house, I felt worried.  Worried that other people would think it was weird and say rude things about me wearing it.  So, once I got on the bus, I immediately opened my digital bible and read my devotional about bravery.  I had been on this devotional for just a week, and I read it every morning on the bus.  So, when I opened it and read the topic it said, “Brave to fear God over man”, I knew immediately that God had planned that for me.  After reading it I felt better and less caring about the negative comments that other people would have.  Throughout the day I reminded myself that I shouldn’t be fearful or worried about people’s opinions about me and instead, I should be focusing more on what the LORD thinks about it.  

This lesson applies to everything else too.  Caring about ungodly people’s opinions can hold you back from taking the next steps with the LORD and instead step you into the wrong way this world offers.  We only have one life here and it defines our eternity, so why should we let other people decide for us?  Is the fear of what they think scarier than going down with Satan for eternity? If so you will decided to give into those opinions and mess up your relationship with God and the happiness He gives you?  Yes, I know it’s hard, and yes, I know people are mean, but so is Satan.  He uses those people’s opinions to get into your heart and steps you away from God.  As the person who decides how to live the life you were gifted with, you have the choice to choose what falls into your heart and what doesn’t.  So why should we be fearful?  You get to choose your relationship with God, and you get the choice to follow the steps He has laid out for you, or you can stray away and follow the steps that Satan wants you to take.  

Ungodly people’s opinions should not damage your relationship with God, and if they do stand against those words as they are not the LORD’s.  You must read your bible daily to strengthen yourself and your relationship with Him to be ready for the challenges you will face in your walk of faith each day with God.  He has the steps ready for you to take in your walk with Him, so take them without hesitation and don’t spare a thought for what other people would think. 

In my opinion an older sibling’s approval matters. If the older doesn’t like the color green, why should the younger? If the oldest likes to draw, they want to draw too. That’s the relationship between my 7-year-old sister and 14-year-old me.

The older sibling is usually the one who spends most of their time with the younger siblings, at least for me it’s true. As a big sister, I play games with  my younger sister, watch TV with her, and babysit her when our parents are out of the house. Due to being around her so much, she sees my behavior and often copies it. My little sister sometimes follows the example of people who are close to her because she is  growing and learning about the people and world around her. She sees me, her big sister, who is close to her age and sees her future self and how she can grow. Due to this,  my younger sister tends to look up to me by acting like I do and talking like me by using the same vocabulary.  She wants to look like me so she does the same activities that I do, and constantly looks for my approval.

If you are an older sibling, it is your job to model good behaviors for your younger siblings to follow. One thing, you should model is following God by attending church with a positive attitude, reading your bible and understanding it, praying for others even if they have wronged you or someone you know, taking people to church, only caring about what God thinks, and being out there with your faith. Showing them that you put God first tells them that they should too and they’ll put Him first just like you do. After all, you are modeling from  how  Jesus lived too.

The second is modeling how to be a good and happy person. They should see you being kind to others even if they’ve hurt you in the past, being considerate by holding the door for others, complimenting other people even if you don’t know them, always smiling and keeping a positive attitude even in a difficult situation, sharing your feelings whether they are good or bad, and not hurting others physically or emotionally. They should see you being loving to people and yourself just like Jesus.

Of course, don’t change yourself entirely because God made everyone significant and unique for what He calls us to do. However, your siblings value you as an important person and they look up to you because they want to be just as special as you.

However, as much as the younger siblings may want to be exactly like the older, they can’t. God has called them for something different than their older sibling. They have different skills and abilities they specialize in to use for God. It is ok to be different. The older sibling is there to encourage them, to draw out their gifts, and to help them grow in their gifts for the calling God has for them.

The older sibling is one of the most significant influences in a younger sibling’s life. Not every relationship with them is perfect and sometimes can include teasing and annoying them to the point of not wanting to be near you (which is kind of fun). Overall, being an older sibling can be very rewarding, fulfilling and fun. You get to see the younger ones copy you, go through similar experiences that you have, and grow up. Just remember that you are the model for them that God has called, and He is always there to help you.

When a child comes to Earth, they don't know anything. They are unaware of the cruelty, and evil this world holds. Everything they see is sunshine and rainbows, literally. Every single thing is so happy and so colorful as a child. However, as they grow, they begin to realize all the problems happening around them and the current problems in their life.

I have always loved God starting from when I was little. I loved hearing the stories of what He has done, and I didn’t overthink anything about Him. I just believed. I knew everything good was of God. I trusted Him. I believe that is how God wants us to see Him. A child that believes and loves Him. After all, we are His children.

As I grew and things changed, I was flooded with new and not-so-good things. I don’t know when I actually realized all of this. Between moving schools twice in one year and meeting new people with new problems I never thought of or wanted to hear. My eyes began to open, and I became aware. I now know about the horrible crimes people commit, how common teen drug use is, current family drama, how common it is for people my age to identify as something different than what they are, how common mental disorders are, and nearly anything you could think of. It was quite overwhelming. It’s like I had grown up in a matter of days. The strange part was that other people had such different thoughts about it than I did. I couldn’t understand why.

That faith I had with God as a child started to change too. I began to question and doubt Him because of all the things I heard and saw happening. Why did I have to know this stuff so early and quickly? Why do I feel different about this than most people? Then I realized, God made this quick transition to open my eyes, so I could be knowledgeable and aware. To be knowledgeable and aware enough to not fall down deep into that rabbit hole that some of my classmates, friends, and even some family members of mine have. This is a gift and it’s mighty.

During that time, I learned that I need to put on my full armor of God to protect me from the evil. The world easily influences people. Social media is proof. As people of God, we need to shine the light and spread the word and keep your armor on along with your sword and shield. However, the devil will try to take them away from you and take you away from God, so you have to strengthen it.

Spread the word of His love and peace wherever you walk (with your boots), and shield yourself from the enemy’s arrows, such as doubt, discouragement, and deception with your shield of faith. Wear the helmet of salvation to protect your mind and thoughts to help you make the right choices. Slice the lies with your sword of the Spirit which is the truth of God’s Word. Protect your heart with His righteousness that you wear like a chest plate and keep your bible within hands reach to know the truth and the way to keep you on course. Make a special time every day to be with God. When you do, you’ll understand Him better and learn to trust Him in His goodness. You mustn’t forget to pray, go to church to worship and be with other believers, and keep yourself in the word of God, it’s the most valuable treasure! Stay close to Him and He will always protect and lead you in the right way. Just remember God is always with you!