Have you ever experienced a moment when a simple hug or hand-hold from someone you love eased your pain?  The power of human touch and presence is something we've all felt, but did you know that it’s backed by real science?" 

A study conducted at the University of Virginia explored how the presence of loved ones can reduce the perception of pain and stress, providing evidence that emotional support can significantly influence physical and emotional well-being.  When women in loving relationships held their partner’s hand while experiencing pain, the areas of their brain responsible for fear and stress measurably calmed down. The power of love and connection is undeniable—it soothes us, brings hope, and lessens our burdens.

But this peace and comfort doesn’t end with human relationships. There is a presence that is always available, powerful, and transformative: the presence of God.

God's Everlasting Presence

While the love and presence of those around us can bring comfort, there is a deeper, constant source of peace available to us—one that never leaves, even when we feel most alone. That presence is God, always near, dwelling within us through the Holy Spirit. 

God Himself dwells within you through the Holy Spirit, making your body a sacred "temple" that houses His presence. This profound truth is the inspiration behind the series title, “Rebuilding Your Temple.” For many years, I was unaware of this amazing reality.  I lived under the assumption that God was distant, like a strict authority figure, always waiting for me to fall short. I felt like I had to hide from Him when I made mistakes, unaware of the intimate relationship He desired to have with me.

Nothing is further from the truth.

The truth is, God isn’t waiting to punish us at all because He is love. When we understand His nature, we stop running away and instead run toward Him, seeking His love, comfort, and acceptance. 1 John 4:16 tells us,:

 Rebuilding your temple—your health, your wellness, your very life begins with the recognition that everything you need can be found in God’s love-filled presence.

Encountering God through Relationship

Throughout the Bible, the most impactful figures were those who had a deep personal relationship with God. They experienced His guidance, comfort, and power in intimate ways. I can testify from my own journey that God still works in these profound ways today, revealing Himself to us in our moments of need and triumph.

After ending a relationship that was clearly not in my best interest, I found myself feeling hollow and defeated. The emotional pain seemed endless, and despite my efforts to move forward, I felt trapped in a cycle of setbacks from unwanted reminders of the loss. Each time I thought I had made progress, an occurrence would trigger a flood of fear and doubt, making  me question if I would ever truly be free from the shadow of this past relationship.

One particularly challenging day after an incident, I felt lower than I ever had before. My heart was heavy with despair, and I was at a loss for what to do next.  I drove to a gas station as I prayed for some form of divine intervention to help me keep going.  As I was filling up my tank, I noticed a penny on the ground. A whisper in my spirit told me to pick it up, saying, “The year of your birth is on that penny.”

 Skeptical but curious, I picked up the penny.  When I turned it over, there it was: 1985 - the very year I was born. This simple moment was very powerful. It was as though God was saying, "I see you. I know exactly what you're going through." As I finished filling my tank and prepared to leave, I was overwhelmed with a sense of awe and reassurance. I remembered a note I had written in my journal just a week earlier, where God had prompted me to look for Him in the next sunset. As I drove up a hill and saw a breathtaking sunset, tears filled my eyes, and I pulled over to take it all in. This was the hope I needed—the reminder that I was not alone, and that God’s love and presence would see me through.

Building Roots with God in Singleness

Ending that relationship was a turning point that strengthened my bond with God.  God became my ultimate source of comfort and strength during what followed—a long season of singleness. Although the world would say I was "alone," I was anything but. I learned to lean into my relationship with God during those years.

In this season, I accomplished things I once believed were beyond my reach: I quadrupled my cost of living, accepted a promotion despite having no prior experience, and took the bold step of leaving a 14-year career to launch my own business. Throughout these changes, God was my unwavering guide, providing clarity and courage when uncertainty loomed. I learned to release my fears about providing for myself and the loneliness that often accompanied my independence. Trusting in God’s timing became my refuge, and I discovered the strength to embrace the present moment instead of constantly worrying about the future.

During this transformative period, I carved out special “dates” with God—moments where I could play basketball, take long walks, or simply sit in silence. These encounters allowed me to open my heart to His peace and joy, filling the voids I once thought could only be filled by relationships or material success. It was in these quiet moments that I truly began to understand my worth, not based on my achievements but on being loved and known by God. Through this journey, I found deeper spiritual strength, learning that my identity and purpose are firmly rooted in Him, not in the circumstances of my life.  And this time was preparation for greater levels and blessings.

 A Divinely Orchestrated Love

It was this deep, personal journey of faith that ultimately led me to cross paths with my husband in January 2024 at the age of 38. Our union was divinely orchestrated, accelerated, and amplified from the very beginning. He, too, had been learning to walk closely with God, and that shared foundation made our relationship even more powerful.  Both of us had been on individual paths of learning to trust and rely on God, and that shared commitment became the cornerstone of our relationship. Together, we understand that our marriage is more than just a partnership; it’s a reflection of hope and a testament to how faith can guide us toward greater fulfillment and meaning in life.  My husband is the most profound sign of God’s love I’ve ever received – a long-awaited answer to the desire of my heart and a symbol of God’s faithfulness to deliver His Promises in His perfect timing. 

Yet even in the waiting, I was moving and growing. Nothing was lacking; my soul found satisfaction in joy that nothing could take away.  God's love filled every gap and void, ensuring that I didn’t settle or compromise my standards along the way.  Committing myself to God first opened the door to a relationship with my husband that reflects the divine design intended from the beginning—one rooted in love, respect, and partnership, just as He modeled in the Garden of Eden.

God's Love is for You, Too

God longs for a personal relationship with you, too. He intimately understands what brings you joy, what stirs your frustrations, and what you need to flourish. When I picked up that penny, it was no mere coincidence—it was a beautiful reminder of His presence, a gentle nudge that He cares deeply about every detail of my life, just as He does for yours!

Even more powerful than any scientific discovery, God’s love drives out fear (1 John 4:18), fills us with joy (Psalm 16:11), and grants us unshakable peace (John 14:27). His presence empowers us to confront life’s hardest moments, assuring us that we are never alone.

If you're unsure how to begin, I invite you to take a small yet significant step today: open your heart and thoughts to Him. You don’t have to navigate this life alone. God is eagerly waiting to walk with you through every joy and challenge, ready to infuse your life with love, peace, and purpose. Embrace this journey of faith, and witness how your relationship with Him can transform you in ways you may not expect or even realize you need.

You don’t have to carry your pain alone. Whether emotional or physical, God’s love offers the courage to keep moving forward, and His joy is your strength. Your Heavenly Father is waiting for you with open arms, ready to provide, protect, and love you unconditionally. Will you take His hand and walk with Him?

Have you ever had a minor injury or an emotional wound that you didn’t take time to address? I certainly have! During the State Championship for track and field, I injured my elbow in May but didn’t address it until I started my collegiate career. Because it didn’t hurt during my daily routine, I neglected it. However, when I competed at the highest level as a contender for the Olympics, this injury prevented me from practicing, hindering my development and performance.

In an effort to save time in the moment, I lost valuable time later when it mattered most. Similarly, by ignoring the emotional distress that led to impulsive binge-eating behaviors, I developed a full-fledged addiction that required much more care, effort, and energy than if I had addressed the issue head-on from the start.

Without intentionality and divine direction, human behavior is often dictated by the desire to avoid pain or seek pleasure. The cost of avoidance, including seeking temporary pleasure, is carrying extra weight and prolonging suffering.

God’s love is a refuge where we can safely release our emotions and receive healing. But we must pause and turn toward Him for this exchange to occur. This process is simple yet profound: by leaning into the hurt and holding it at the point of discomfort long enough, a natural shift occurs, overriding pain to bring relief.

While the detriment to ignoring physical pain is evident, the deeper lesson lies in addressing emotional and mental pain. As a Behavior Change Specialist Coach, my mission is to unearth root causes of pain and facilitate healing at the source.  Just as stretching promotes physical healing, confronting emotional and mental pain initiates transformation, moving beyond surface-level coping mechanisms and behavior modification. 

DANGER OF IGNORING PAIN

The biblical passage in Jeremiah 6:14 underscores the danger of superficially addressing pain or problems without truly confronting them. Ignoring or downplaying discomfort only perpetuates deeper issues, leading to a false sense of security and unresolved pain.

Avoiding pain poses significant risks.

1.     Ignored Irritants Get Worse.  

Lingering discomfort can corrupt the entire system, physically and emotionally. Drawing from the biblical narrative of Esau and Jacob, we see the consequences of unresolved bitterness after Jacob deceived their father to receive the blessing meant for Esau. Esau's refusal to address his hurt led to a desire for revenge, poisoning his relationships and his own well-being.

Just as untreated injuries worsen, unresolved emotional pain spreads to other areas, compromising our well-being and relationships.  Even with the elbow injury, what made the decision to pause and press in for healing harder was the emotional pain of ‘stopping’ my progress and my goals. That burden felt too painful to deal with, so I didn’t…until my avoidance caused pain so great it couldn’t be dismissed because it created more problems in other areas of my life.

2.     It Spreads to Other Areas

Compensating for unresolved emotional pain drains resources that should support self-care and meaningful pursuits, leading to imbalance in various aspects of life. Just as secondary mover muscles strain around an injury, this imbalance compromises work quality and relationships. Unchecked emotional pain can manifest as physical ailments, disrupting overall health. Jesus' analogy in Matthew 13:33 highlights how a small negative influence can permeate every aspect of life.

3.     Tolerating Pain Becomes Normal and Resistance Stops 

Normalizing pain is perilous as it surrenders our ability to resist it. By accepting pain as a constant companion, we unwittingly grant it permission to persist. Despite investing considerable energy in managing and suppressing pain, the risk of it becoming intertwined with our identity grows with time, making it harder to release.

Avoiding emotional pain and stress can have devastating consequences, as I discovered in my own life. Despite trying various strategies, from changing my environment to seeking professional help, I remained stuck in a cycle of frustration due to these ineffective attempts. It felt like I was expending a lot of energy without making progress. My behavior changed, but I didn’t.  Transformative outcomes only occurred when I confronted the actual problem: how I viewed and treated myself. With the help of coaching and counseling, I gained insight into my behaviors and learned to define my own worth, finding the freedom of being myself!

IDENTIFYING THE SOURCE

It's crucial to pinpoint the root cause for effective healing. Often, chronic injuries originate from areas upstream or downstream of the pain point. For example, torn cartilage and a bruised femur in my right knee were actually the result of a weak left hamstring, damaged from a former ACL surgery. No matter how much attention I gave to my right knee, the misalignment, tension, and stress persisted until I strengthened my left hamstring. It's a clear lesson: true healing begins at the source!

 Confronting ourselves can indeed feel more daunting than the initial problem. To truly address the source, we must also let go of any fear of failure associated with carrying pain. There are several indicators that can help us recognize when we're avoiding the real issue.

1.     Over-reacting

Reactions are windows to the soul, as Tony Robbins Coach Adam Martin wisely noted. If the pain persists long after the incident or injury, it's crucial to examine the beliefs fueling this pain. When our reactions exceed the gravity of the situation or seem unrelated to the present circumstances, it's a sign that past wounds may be influencing our behavior.

2.     Stress & Anxiety

Pain ultimately stems from unresolved tension and stress, creating a civil war inside us. Operating under such division perpetuates a cycle of highs and lows from the instability, intensifying the pain over time. Addressing the discomfort head-on is the most direct route to resolution, even if it feels unfamiliar and uncomfortable. Even in the midst of undesirable circumstances or conditions, peace can be found within.

 3.     Body Disposition

The body speaks volumes, especially when there's a disconnect between our emotional and mental states. Constantly battling burnout and exhaustion signals that the underlying source has yet to be uncovered. Slowing down and listening to your body's cues are essential. While it may feel like time is scarce, prioritizing self-care is crucial for long-term well-being.

SUMMARY

Dismissing our needs and emotions leads to other consequences.  As Proverbs 12:25 reveals “Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up.”  Feeling overwhelmed isn't permanent; it's a signal to recalibrate. The body heals best with proper care, which requires us to slow down enough to address little mental and emotional irritants before they become bigger.  

Fear dissipates when we are brave enough to press into our hurts in the security of God’s presence.   Are you ready to go through your pain, to the other side?

Enter into pain with Jesus in your boat, where the solid ground of the other side becomes a tangible destination. Release emotions in a safe space.   How?  First, slowing down allows you to identify the actual problem.  Then, position yourself in a place with no distractions.  Here, let each worry go.  You can even breathe it out.  Then give yourself permission to feel without judgment.  Facing the emotions by FEELing instead of FILLing makes them lose power, leaving you lighter and enriched with truth.  And, you don’t have to do it alone!  Share with another or receive support and guidance through coaching!   

 Staying connected to the vine allows forgiveness, grace, and love to overcome hurts. This great exchange and transaction are crucial for complete healing, releasing pain for good. Apply pressure with Jesus at the pain point and receive a new deposit. Operating from peace, not pain, is our birthright.

It's time to lean into the pain, guided by faith, to find healing and freedom. Shed the weight of insecurity and self-doubt, embracing your true self without fear. As you address the pain supported by nurturing relationships, you’ll discover the treasures within you.

By confronting the true source of pain, you'll feel lighter, initiating a new cycle of joy and fulfillment. Pain doesn’t have to linger another moment! It’s time to create a strategy to reclaim the energy and joy you were meant to experience in life. Let’s press into the pain together to emerge stronger and freer than before.

In the fast-paced world we navigate, the constant demand on our time can feel overwhelming, leaving us playing catch-up. The perpetual quest for more time echoes widely. Contrary to conventional wisdom, the solution lies not in the quantity of time but in the quality of our energy. After spending 14 years in corporate America, a common thread emerged. I observed the toll on professionals who excelled in their careers at the expense of their own well-being. This prompted a re-evaluation of productivity and the need for a more holistic approach.

Peak productivity isn't about cramming more tasks into an already overflowing to-do list. Nor is the answer to increase knowledge through certifications or courses to improve efficiency. As psychologist Henry Cloud asserts, the critical factor that fuels productivity is our health. Despite technological advancements making us more efficient, the desire for 'more' persists. The key isn't more time but better utilization of the time we have.

First, let's address and dispel a common myth: being busy does not automatically translate to being productive. Even if we could somehow get more time, what pursuits would fill this extended space? Would it simply be an elongation of the never-ending to-do list? After some thought, reconsider whether having more time would genuinely reshape our priorities.

Let's adopt a scientific perspective and view productivity as power output, where Power equals Work divided by Time (P = W/t). Since time is a fixed constant, the only variable that can change is Work. Therefore, the key to amplifying productivity lies in increasing Work. By definition, the amount of work performed directly correlates to the change in the energy of a system.

Your health shapes your energy levels. To accomplish more within the same time, you must do what you’re already doing more effectively. This requires improving the efficiency of your current tasks. Backtracking to our equation, optimal productivity hinges on how we manage our energy. So, how can we elevate our energy levels?

Our energy can be increased spiritually, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Let’s explore a few ways to refill your tank.

Recharging Energy - Rest

My collegiate days involved meticulously juggling sports, ministry commitments, and various clubs. I epitomized ceaseless activity. I was the queen of busy. Not a surprise, this way of operating translated into my professional life as I started my career.

In this narrative, rest was once painted as unacceptable and unfounded. Slowing down equated to laziness - and I wasn’t having any of that! So regardless of my energy reserves, busy I remained. But, as Ecclesiastes 2:22-23 suggests, endless labor without rest only leads to anguish.

 Our minds and bodies need recharging, much like our devices. If we don’t intentionally slow down to rest, eventually our bodies will force us to decelerate through exhaustion or sickness.

When we power ourselves, we run out quickly. But we have a God who delights in revealing our next steps and equipping us to fulfill them. With God as our strength, our energy soars.

Learning the value of rest, mandated by God, changed my life. At first, being still was excruciatingly uncomfortable. I literally scheduled time to do nothing and just “be”. Rest is often viewed as unproductive. But these moments countered that misconception. They allowed me to refocus and approach priorities with renewed vigor.

As a result, I’ve been called a “workhorse,” “machine,” and “energizer bunny” by co-workers and peers. Proper sleep, nutrition, and spiritual nourishment are flat out game changers. Taking appropriate mental and physical breaks has propelled my capacity to extraordinary levels. And yours can, too!

Recharging Energy - Nutrition

Dietary habits have a strong effect on our energy. The content we put into our body matters. Imagine your daily energy as a financial budget, where choices significantly impact expenditure. Skipping meals or making suboptimal food choices deducts from this budget. But nutrient-rich sustenance is the currency fueling your body and fortifying cognitive function. At the core, the primary purpose of food is to serve as an energy source.

Nutrition doesn't require perfection; even small changes can yield significant benefits! Quality proteins rich in amino acids, fruits and vegetables, and healthy fats form a nutritional powerhouse. There's no need for intimidation; you can begin incorporating these foods into your routine today! As you begin to associate improved energy and mood with consuming what your body truly needs, the journey becomes more manageable. Your taste buds also adapt and crave what brings life to your body. Craving foods rich in vital vitamins, minerals, antioxidants, and nutrients helps you stick to a sustainable, healthy lifestyle.

Conserving Energy - Prioritizing

Conserving energy is a crucial skill, especially when life bombards us with distractions. Discernment is necessary to prioritize what truly matters. A biblical perspective emphasizes purposeful action.

Another version states "So I run with purpose in every step." Let's do away with randomly filling your schedule. Instead, make deliberate choices in your day based on prioritizing your health and needs, including adequate rest. This will set you up to maintain balance and optimize productivity.

While conserving energy does not boost overall levels, it empowers us to give more to our priorities. Greater input leads to better results and output. The fulfillment gained from pursuing goals creates a cycle that rejuvenates us and drives us onward. In essence, applying our energy in the right places generates a big payoff, returning more back to us!

Let’s revisit our analogy of energy as a daily budget. Picture starting the day with a $1000 budget dedicated to your top priorities. After navigating the challenges of your day—listening to your co-worker vent, skipping lunch, stressing, and missing your workout—you find yourself left with a mere $400. Not much remains for your priorities. Along with that comes a dose of irritability and a sense of falling behind.

Now, let’s rewrite the story! Beginning with a $1000 budget for your top priorities, intentional choices prevent depletion. Adequate sleep, focused work, mindful breaks, regular exercise, and quality family time are preserved. These investments can turn a stressful day into a balanced and fulfilling one.

What a day! Your patience increased, your food choices were better, and you took mental breaks when needed. Consequently, there was no need to resort to unhealthy coping mechanisms like stress eating. Further, you invested your energy where it had the greatest return on your investment, putting more back in your pocket!

Living life to the fullest mandates our judicious allocation of energy toward endeavors of genuine significance.

Conserving Energy - Reducing Worry & Stress

The most substantial drain on our energy reservoir is worry and stress. These are often fueled by past experiences or future uncertainties. Our energy is frequently drained by dwelling on the past. We try to evade reliving painful moments, disprove judgments, and control future outcomes. Our energy dissipates beyond the boundaries of the present moment. This not only diminishes our effectiveness today, but also compromises our ability to experience the moment

On top of it all, excessive worry in the mind mirrors chronic inflammation in the body. It causes stress, depleting both mental and physical vitality. Left unattended, emotional and mental stress can build up. Effects often manifest physically, hindering our overall well-being. Emotional and mental weight add to our waistline if we don’t address the draining factors.

CONCLUSION: A Realistic Approach to Boosting Productivity

So even with flawless time management, hitting burnout is unavoidable without replenishing energy. At this point, all progress halts as your mind and body demand a recharge.

Learning to rest may feel unfamiliar initially, but it's a transformative practice. By intentionally pausing and resting, you can preemptively recharge. Releasing negative emotions and rewiring your mind promote sustained optimal performance. Addressing the root causes of unhealthy habits eliminates unnecessary stressors. The energy saved can be redirected toward priorities. Efficiency and effectiveness become intertwined, enabling you to achieve more in less time.

A healthy body, mind, and spirit directly influence energy levels. Consider this: how differently do you operate when your mood is elevated? You may find yourself functioning like a different person! Not every day may not be infused with boundless energy. That's ok! Maximizing it allows you to fully apply yourself to the most critical aspects in your day.

Incorporating any of these aspects—rest, nutrition, exercise, prioritization, and stress reduction—offers significant returns. Start integrating them TODAY! Recharge before exhaustion. Build resilience to handle challenges. Focus on what truly matters. By managing your energy, you reclaim joy, boost mental output, and perform at peak productivity. Gear up, recharge, and master your energy to reach new heights—unleash the power within you!

Imagine a cozy cabin nestled deep in the woods, where the familiar warmth of a crackling fireplace surrounds you. Outside, the world is wrapped in a soft, impenetrable mist, cocooning you in comfort. As you gaze out the window, a voice inside whispers, "Stay here; it's safe." It's a convincing voice, and it resonates with our longing for security and predictability. 

But what if I told you that this beautiful cabin is merely a snapshot within a boundless, enchanted forest? There's a world outside, an exhilarating wilderness, waiting to be explored. This forest, the uncharted territory of your life, calls you to uncover its secrets, climb its peaks, and traverse its valleys. It's where the most remarkable journeys take place, the true substance of what gives life its meaning. Yet, the choice is yours: remain by the cozy fire or dare to become an adventurer in the unknown wilderness. This article is your compass for navigating that choice.

Complacency often begins innocently, much like hitting the snooze button after your alarm. Just once, you think “I’d like to stay here a little longer.” We become comfortable, anchored in our daily routines and familiar surroundings. The comfort we experience lulls us into a sense of false security, much like the cozy cabin, safe but ultimately limiting.

Through our experiences, “comfortable” may have come from places we didn’t intend. Perhaps control feels comfortable because we can guarantee the outcome. Maybe achieving feels comfortable because it means we’re good enough. A relationship can feel comfortable because it relieves the feelings of loneliness. Even perfection feels comfortable because no one can reject us. Is this true? Or is it an illusion? If we look inside, is operating this way working for us? Safe is not synonymous with comfortable.

In my own life, complacency reared its head through struggles with food and unhealthy behaviors. An unexamined attachment to food masked deeper emotional roots. I would turn to satisfying indulgences when facing moments of stress or uncertainty. These temporary comforts felt like a relief and the solution, but they were actually a tactic to avoid vulnerability. I chose to stay within my walls and  self-destruct over stepping out to share my broken pieces. My misery was more comfortable than facing and exposing myself. Not only did I stay, I fought against others trying to help me leave. That was the scary part!

The real hidden danger results from staying in the comfort zone. This is more detrimental than any feat that might be faced. Dysfunctional patterns might preserve “what is,” but preservatives are only needed for maintaining the richness of something that no longer produces life. Ignoring little fires does not create stability. Accumulation of anything toxic over time causes inflammation - and this eventually leads to stress, tension, and pain.

Without new adventures, we risk dwelling on past decisions that got us to this place. Problems are magnified instead of moving toward a solution. Or we may create our own excitement, often outside of God's plan, to maintain a sense of interest and purpose. I never intended for misuse of food to become my coping mechanism for difficulties. Complacency compromised the gates of my mind and heart.

 The Danger of Closed Minds

One of the first areas that fall victim to complacency is our mindset. We stop looking for opportunities because we believe we have it all figured out. As long as the daily grind is running smoothly, we keep doing what we’ve always done. We never stop to ask ourselves if what we’re doing is serving us well or bringing out our best. A mind that isn’t open cuts off awareness. On autopilot mode, the brain operates on outdated software instead of conscious thought. The closed mind can't perceive new horizons, and our spiritual growth stalls. God’s word encourages us to be on the lookout for opportunities every day. Whether a challenge to grow and learn or a blessing to enjoy, God’s goodness and love fulfill our longing inside.

Neglecting the Heart

Without protection of our mind, our hearts become endangered. Because the heart dictates what we do and say, what we plant there matters. Without intentional consumption and digestion of nutrients, the body suffers. Likewise, without intentional thought and awareness, the soul suffers. What we put in our body impacts our health. What we put in our mind gets rooted in our heart - our wellspring of life, also affecting our health and well-being.

Notice the high priority

Above everything else!  Yes, above keeping to schedules and being involved in every social activity, above another work deadline, and above pleasing others - protect your heart!  Healthy spirit.  Healthy mind.  Then a healthy body follows. None can be neglected. Taking care of your health and needs unleashes your energy to pursue your passions and priorities at your full capacity!

The Silent Drift

Complacency makes us lower our guard, causing a silent drift in our lives. We become slack, idle, and, without realizing it, vulnerabilities and temptations of our past may creep back in unnoticed. 2 Chronicles 15:7 reminds us not to be slack but to stay strong and unwavering. We need to recognize that drifting is not a symptom of safety but a subtle threat to our well-being. When we’re alive and engaged in purposeful matters, there is little room for distraction to enter!

Restlessness of the Soul

Ironically, complacency makes us restless, creating a void. We recognize that something is missing. We become comfortable with our surroundings but increasingly uncomfortable with ourselves. We know deep down that we are meant for more. This can lead us to seek numbing substances or unhealthy behaviors as a way to escape dissatisfaction. And this makes sense because if we don’t satisfy our hunger for more nor quench our thirst for growth, we naturally seek other things for satisfaction.

The Weight of Regret

Nothing satisfies less than the looming shadow of regret, a constant companion whispering "what if" and "if I had known then what I know now." This is the signature punch of complacency. Regret is a heavy burden to carry, far weightier than the risk of stepping out into the unknown and possibly stumbling along the way. It's the weight of missed opportunities and dreams left unfulfilled. It’s hard to live in a house built with the bricks of "what could have been."

But here’s powerful truth: when you venture beyond what you’ve known, when you try, you may stumble, but you don't fail. Every step, even the missteps, becomes a lesson learned and a victory achieved. The inner freedom you experience may even catch you by surprise. When failure and fear are left behind, proving yourself and performing burn out as the dawn of adventure illuminates your world! So, let's not build up any more "what-ifs." Instead, let's take the plunge, embrace the unfamiliar, and turn "what if" into "I did."

Awakening Through Awareness

To prevent the perilous drift into complacency, we need awareness. Numerous scriptures call us to pay attention, be alert, and wake up! Recall Ephesians 5:15 begins with “Pay careful attention.” We must recognize that change is impossible without awareness. It's a call to action, every moment is an opportunity.

Open your eyes! Look around you! What do you see? As psychologist Dr. Jordan Peterson quotes “Sometimes we don’t find God, because we don’t look low enough.” Would it make a big difference in your work day to have an organized, decorated office? Spruce up your work environment! Would communicating the good things you appreciate about your spouse make a difference? Would putting your phone down allow you to focus? Set a timer and shut it down! Would prioritizing your health and needs elevate your well-being, energy, and quality of life? Take the next step!

Being aware isn't a chore; it's the key to unlocking the excitement and meaning hidden within every experience. It's about unveiling your potential and discovering facets of yourself you never knew existed. When we awaken through awareness, we set ourselves on a path of boundless exploration. Each day turns into an intriguing journey filled with God's guidance and endless possibilities.

The only time we’re really missing out is when we’re not in the center of God’s plan. Thankfully, we serve a loving God who reveals this to us and prompts our spirit if we stray. He continues to chase after us…even when we’re indifferent. Now this, this is true comfort.

Complacency might seem like a safe harbor, but it's a deceptive illusion. It's the whisper of safety that lures us into the confines of familiarity, shielding us from the vibrant world outside. As long as we reside where God wants us to be, we are in the place of highest development. True safety is found by knowing God is present in the storm, through the fear, and amidst the suffering. When our security comes from our identity in Christ, we no longer shrink away from the unknown. Our ability to confront and cope with danger - not avoid the world - actually makes us feel safe. And it makes us stronger! We learn we are capable of more than we think. Pursuing purpose and fulfillment are essential to our health and well-being. With the fire in our hearts ablaze, the crackling in the cabin no longer compels us - everything we need we carry within us!

In the heart of a bustling city, a renowned composer stood before an orchestra of exceptional musicians. The audience waited in hushed anticipation, eager to be transported by the melodies that would soon fill the grand concert hall. As the conductor raised his baton, a hush fell over the room. The performance was about to begin.

Pause there.  Are you on the edge of your seat immersed in the grandness of this moment?  More profound than the performance itself is the essence of achievement and the pursuit of dreams. What led to this mastery that is about to unfold?  The conductor's story mirrors the stories of countless individuals who have scaled the heights of success.  Think of someone you admire for their high level of accomplishment. At first glance, it's easy to perceive their achievements as monumental destinations.  But diving a little deeper uncovers a steady reality: it's not about the final bow, but the meaningful choreography of each note, each step, and each decision that brought them there. 

Goals are necessary to chart our course, and as Evangelist Jonathan Shuttlesworth reminds us, "You can't hit a target that doesn't exist."   So, it's vital to compose our song with purpose. However, the path to achieving our goals is often riddled with obstacles. If we're consumed by the endpoint, we risk missing the beauty of the voyage itself. Some goals lack authenticity, driven by random, external, or self-propelled notions.  Instead of resorting straight to pen and paper to define your goals, consider a different plan of attack for meaningful execution, your thought patterns and where you direct your focus.

For the moment, let’s assume your vision resonates with your purpose, your destination is clear, and you know where to aim. Now take your eyes off the final result, because the fruit lies in your current choices and actions. The resounding truth: fixating solely on the endpoint can rob us of the joy within the journey.  

Moreover, to what extent does attaining the promotion, position, status, or exam score genuinely deliver joy? Remember the last goal you achieved in 2022. How long did the satisfaction last?  Often, not long. A doctorate degree, winning first place in athletic competition, and promotion at work are quickly forgotten at the onset of another goal.  Achievements yield fleeting rewards. The exhilaration of victory can give way to anxiety about what comes next. This is the trap I fell into—an instant transition from triumph to trembling in fear.  Mere seconds of satisfaction vibrated my soul before thoughts such as “how am I going to keep this up?” flooded my mind.

To invest a significant amount of time, energy, and effort into achieving a goal for less than an ounce of celebration doesn’t even make sense.  My flawed mindset lacked a crucial element: the process itself, and the progress it embodies.

The Craving for Progress

As beings created in the divine image, we're designed for perpetual growth. Our first directive—be fruitful and multiply—sets the tone for progress. 2 Corinthians 3:18 echoes this sentiment describing our nature to reach ever-increasing levels of glory.  Colossians 2:7 emphasizes rooting ourselves deeply in faith, continually dwelling in unwavering growth.

Notice that the depth to which your roots can stretch knows no bounds. The inexhaustible well of God's love and the ever-deepening understanding of Him stand as testament to this. Another point of emphasis: nurturing growth in one facet of your life, symbolized by your roots, invariably produces strength in others, leading to a chain reaction of progress and expansion across all facets of your life!

Human nature yearns for advancement, but perceived lack of progress is discouraging. The key isn't merely staying active but progressing in alignment with purpose. Avoid confusing busyness with genuine progress—many tasks don't equate to meaningful strides. We are made for BEing better and producing more, not DOing more which typically results in frustration!   

Progress through Process

The danger lies in treating milestones as checkboxes or final destinations—like marriage becoming a static status, not a continual commitment. Merely going through the motions negates the spark of adventure and the spirit of cultivation. However, there exists something beyond this... and indeed, there is! 

This scripture encourages a forward-looking mindset while acknowledging that growth and progress occur through persistent efforts.  Lasting accomplishments emerge from dedication, not spurts of behavior modification. This means multiple stages of growth form the path toward your vision. Sustainable success doesn't happen overnight; it's fostered through steady progression.

Reframe Your Progress

Progress thrives on perception. Constantly focusing on the desired result lengthens your interpretation of the gap between where you are and where you want to be.  This not only leads to frustration but drains motivation.  If you were given the goal of becoming a professional athlete with the caveat that you would never actually get there, would you go for it?  Motivation drops off when efforts do not lead toward something.  Subsequently satisfaction is low, where meaningless pursuit ceases.  

Sustaining motivation is a matter of defining appropriate progress markers along the way that reveal growth and improvement.   Instead of focusing on the end goal “lose 50 pounds,” consider progress as showing up consistently in your exercise attendance, curbing nighttime emotional snacking, eating appropriately portioned meals, or prioritizing well-being over excessive commitments. What if progress meant taking responsibility for a mistake, having uncomfortable but necessary conversations, or asking for help?  The skills of not beating yourself up, establishing a healthy lifestyle, communicating, and seeking support are lasting beyond any promotion, weight loss, temporary gain, or external result.  A goal can be taken away from you, but your internal progress can’t!

Create a System 

A symphony doesn't come to life without the careful arrangement of notes and the conductor's steady guidance. In the same way, your journey toward progress thrives on the structure you create. A goal can be fleeting, but your progress is sustained by the system you develop.

Your life today is shaped by the decisions you make, driven by your thoughts. True progress starts in your mind. Consider your brain as your personal computer.  Your mind tells your brain what operating system to use!  As you realize your worth and embrace your potential, you shift focus from the end result to the present moment. Aware of your current surroundings, you ask the right questions, gather wisdom from mentors and experiences, and develop your thinking blueprint, which will sustain your habits and drive your progress.

Consider the story of Isaac, who persisted despite adversity by focusing on creating a system. When circumstances forced him to relocate, he didn't simply pursue his goal of creating water sources—he crafted a framework that others couldn't replicate. Details are revealed in Genesis 26:20-22 20 But then the shepherds from Gerar came and claimed the spring. “This is our water,” they said, and they argued over it with Isaac’s herdsmen. So Isaac named the well Esek (which means “argument”). 21 Isaac’s men then dug another well, but again there was a dispute over it. So, Isaac named it Sitnah (which means “hostility”). 22 Abandoning that one, Isaac moved on and dug another well. This time there was no dispute over it, so Isaac named the place Rehoboth (which means “open space”), for he said, “At last the Lord has created enough space for us to prosper in this land.”

Isaac's resilience and mindset paved the path to his success, reminding us that it's the process and the mindset that stand as our true anchors in the pursuit of our goals.

Take time to Celebrate

Celebrate every triumph along the way. In my early adulthood, I missed the art of celebrating my progress. But oh, the sweet joy of recognizing small victories! Don’t just stop and smell the roses, celebrating requires reflecting on where you started and what is different!  Even if the level of effort felt minimal, celebrate showing up! As Zechariah 4:10 proclaims:

When you embrace your achievements and associate them with positive emotions, you lay the groundwork for sustainable change. Your brain is malleable, learning from the thoughts you feed it, shaping your mindset like a composer sculpting a melody.

By focusing on the tangible outcomes throughout the process, the path to grander goals becomes an exciting adventure. In moments when motivation wanes, your system—the structure you've built—will sustain you!

 Your Song is Unique

My journey to overcoming binge eating was rooted in my transformation, not simply in stopping unhealthy behaviors.   One of the most fulfilling elements of having goals lies in observing the improvement that occurs as a result of the learning process.  When you respond differently to a challenge that used to shake you, take note!  Given that each individual faces unique challenges, what signifies progress for one might be drastically different from another.  This is why we keep our eyes fixed on Jesus and in our own lane.

First and foremost, standards for living are set by the Word of God and the example of Christ Jesus.  Uniquely molded by your Creator, your progress is your own.  While society's standards shift, there is one comparison that truly matters—the one against your former self. Are you a better version than you were six months ago? A day ago? By gauging progress against the backdrop of who you once were, you bear witness to authentic growth. 

Become the Song that Never Ends

Goals are more than numbers—they're about becoming the kind of person who achieves them. With your journey’s progress laid out in clear view, the satisfaction of realizing you have surpassed your former self becomes music to your soul.  Through crafting a reliable system that sustains your progress, your aspiration transforms into an achievable reality. More profoundly, even before your final destination comes into focus, you’ll bask in the recognition that the inherent value you’ve gained can never be lost.  Your true achievements are permanent. Character, perspective, and personal growth remain steadfast and unshakable, defying any challenge that may come your way. 

Let your inner growth compose the music that propels you forward. Align with your divine purpose and apply yourself wholeheartedly to each day. The next time you reflect on where you want to be, remember the question of every child on a road trip:  "Are we there yet?"  "No," you assert, a knowing twinkle in your eye, "but we're not where we started!"  In fact, you are exactly where you’re supposed to be. The precious moments of the process remind us that the crescendo of accomplishment is just one note within the symphony of progress.  The sweetest melodies are found in the rhythm of each moment.  May you be inspired to dance to its song!

A princess is held captive by an evil villain. A hero rises up. A plan is constructed. Challenges cause the hero to look inward. The hero receives assistance from a wise guide. Obstacles are overcome. Character is built. The hero fights and wins the battle to release the princess. In this classic storyline, the victory is felt when the princess is saved. Even though the princess escapes her prison, it is actually the hero who undergoes self-discovery and experiences newfound freedom from former limitations. In the process of fighting, and with helpful counsel, the hero realizes he or she is capable of more. By harnessing the power that already lives within, so are you!

Humans have an inherent nature to overcome, to grow, and to be better. In fact, the apostle Paul tells us in Romans 8:37 that God created us to be “more than conquerors” and that no matter what you’re going through, “overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.”

Chances are there are areas in your life where you aren’t seeing victory or don’t feel like much of a champion. Maybe it’s been a struggle for a long time, and you are losing hope that things can be different. When desperation sets in, sometimes we grasp at doing more or taking hold of any solution that presents itself to fix the problem, thinking it will magically end our suffering. That’s how I felt.

At first, I focused on what I was DOing to stop the addiction to binge eating. I started cooking meals at home instead of going to the unlimited cafe in college - where vulnerability was high, and the battle felt impossible to win. I moved into an apartment with others, thinking surely the accountability would make my behaviors cease. I would leave my credit cards out of my purse in the morning so I couldn’t stop at the grocery store after work. The attempts went on…no matter what I did, nothing changed. The more I tried to find a way, and the more I failed, the more I accepted that defeat from this terrible oppressor was all I would ever know. I felt like a slave, held captive by the tyranny of food.

DOing more from my own directive and effort became void. After repeated attempts and failures, my heart could not handle more confirmation that I was messed up and inadequate. What remnant of my defeated spirit remained began a seek-and-avoid mission. Seek any solution outside of myself where responsibility for being in my current state could be avoided. The miracle cure. This would save me from revealing to the world my flaming inadequacy. If I couldn’t fix me, someone or something else should fix me. Then it wasn’t my fault.

My therapist must not have been a good fit. Therapy didn’t save me. After severe potassium depletion below, fatal levels nearly took my life, I boosted my blood levels with potassium supplements. The result? Manipulated blood work, no change in behaviors. Supplements didn’t save me. When I went to treatment the first time, I vowed to do all the work, eat from the plan they gave me, and stop all behaviors. The outcome was a relapse two weeks after returning to college. Treatment didn’t change me. Where was my hero? Why did I continue to fall? There were two things I didn’t know then that I know now.

ALREADY RESCUED

What I did know was that my own efforts got me to the state I was in. I knew I was beyond helping myself. What I didn’t know is that I was NOT a helpless princess trapped in agony beyond hope. Just as the hero did the work for the princess, Jesus Christ already paid the price on the cross 2000 years ago to rescue me from the suffering and darkness of the world.  He did it not because I was deserving…not because I earned salvation or love, not because I worked hard for it, not because I did all the right things, but because of His pure, genuine love for me.

When the role of a victim is adopted, we tend to blame others for our condition or circumstance, and in consequence look to others to get us out of it. This is a dangerous line. If the princess always requires the hero to save her, she will likely repeat the same patterns that got her into prison. Whether or not she was captured at the forceful hand of another or got herself there, she has the choice to not stay there.

It starts with having the courage to look within myself. To face the fear of how I stopped taking care of my body. The fear of feeling like a bad parent. The fear that if I don’t cater to everyone’s needs around me, no one will like me. The fear that if I stop going to food for comfort, difficult feelings might surface along with painful thoughts. The reality is that I partially contributed to this destination. But only by exposing what I believe can it be transformed by the truth!

NEW CREATION

I wanted to rescue myself from the food. Trying to be my own savior only made my predicament worse. I wanted someone to rescue me from the food. No one else had the power to do that for me. The more I leaned on relationships with expectations they weren’t capable of filling, the more strained those relationships became. What I really needed to be rescued from was the prison of my mind. It didn’t matter where I went…St. Louis, living with my sister, college, new career...every new start led to imprisonment because my mind operated from the same ineffective manual. And my mind…your mind…goes with you everywhere you go!

We all know the phrase “my own worst enemy.” How many times have I gotten in my own way? My first time at treatment was approached with the same mindset that got me there: perfectionism, people-pleasing, DOing the right things, DOing what I was told. All of my DOing was to cover up who I was afraid I had become. Cycles of struggling replayed and continued until I stopped DOing more, stopped looking outside of myself, and started BEing ok with not being ok. God was not ashamed of me, even though I had gotten myself into this broken state. When we are honest with ourselves, we have a place to start.

This is critical to effecting actual change in your life - that LASTS. Your own thinking often produces constraints and limitations that are holding you back. Self-criticism, self-

sufficiency, and self-sabotage are the primary drivers that prevent the positive change you’d like to effect in your life. These self-imposed chains ultimately leave us in bondage, tied to a pole while being crushed by the weight. The truth is that I taught myself that I needed food to survive. It was always there when people were not. It never left me, but it did forsake me. But God is always with me! He never leaves nor forsakes us. God not only loves and accepts us, but He placed the power within each one of us to live as a NEW creation, the old nature long gone and left behind.

If you have a desire to be rescued from the chains that bind you, you can take action…today! The power of Jesus has already severed anything that has kept you in captivity! The choice is yours. Once we stop trying to fix ourselves and call on the Lord, He is able to help us as we are ready to receive. We don’t have to drag the old us along, struggling with our former ways. After you are rescued, you no longer need to be saved!

Think of the biggest source of frustration in your life right now. A hindrance that isn’t allowing you to operate at your best. Something that, if nothing changed in the next 6 months, would strongly take away from who you know you can be. Then walk through the steps below:

1. Properly identify your villain by pinpointing the appropriate enemy so you use your energy to resist and fight against the right entity. Is this really about your job or are you feeling inadequate? Is it really about losing weight or loving yourself? Is it really about failing or what others will think?

2. Seek Wise Counsel. You have the very Spirit of God inside of you. All powerful, all- knowing, ever-present, not lacking anything. Instead of reaching for a temporary fix, take ten minutes allowing God to search your soul in the safety of His presence.  Where are you willing to invest in yourself and your health that returns benefit and energy and well-being? Time with your Heavenly Creator always produces life to the fullest.

3. Own Your Decision. Decide when you are in a healthy state of mind - in spiritual alignment - that you will no longer tolerate anything that is bringing you down. No excuses. No justifications. No more victim mentality. Take responsibility from this point forward. God has given you the guide to life in the written Word of the Bible and the Holy Spirit inside of you, just as the guide to the hero. God also places people in our lives who have been where we are and made it to the other side. If you need a coach, mentor, accountability, or support to ensure stumbling blocks of the past don’t trip you up, grab your guide!

4. Take a Step Forward. You don’t have to start off by changing the world. Start with one targeted move. One action. One foot in front of the other maintains progress and builds momentum. If that step feels scary or hard, remember that the decision was determined in a grounded state. Something I say often when coaching is “feelings aren’t the boss!” If emotion causes hesitation or hinders your courage to move, you may only choose how to move forward, not if you do. The debate on whether to do it or not was killed because you already decided. In the words of John Maxwell, now you get to “manage your decision.” Maybe your guide will help you in the beginning. Each step gains distance between you and your former prison. From this, you will get new information, feedback, and wisdom to proceed.

 CONCLUSION

Everything you need already lives inside of you because out of love God sent our risen Savior, Jesus Christ. Your hero already did the work. Now it’s up to you to receive it! Where does scripture tell us the motivation to make changes comes from?

Where is God working? IN you! Not outside. Not externally. A new job, more affirmation from your significant other, and losing weight aren’t going to fix the real problem. Anything external won’t change how you see yourself in the long-term. But seeing yourself through the lens of your Heavenly Maker and knowing who you are and what you have in Him changes everything.

Is your ability to do the right thing expected to come from your own willpower? No! God gives you the power! Another translation of Philippians 2:13 states ‘to will and to work.’ Like striving for self-sufficiency did to me, doing everything by your own effort eventually crushes you. But by relying on THE source of all life inside of you, you maximize strength, joy, and energy, while remaining motivated when the going gets tough, because it’s not just what you DO anymore but who you ARE!

Here’s the really cool part! When your motivation is internal, also called ‘intrinsic’ motivation, nothing and no one can take it from you. Circumstances and trials may require energy, strength, and faith, but your actions will remain consistent…because you are securely rooted in your identity in Christ. 

This isn’t only a Biblical principle. According to psychological research by Excelsior University, “To be truly intrinsically motivated, one must feel free from pressures, including rewards or contingencies. Thus, intrinsic motivation is preferred over extrinsic because it is self-driven and not reliant upon any reinforcement or punishment from the environment. Because intrinsically motivated behavior is not contingent upon any external reward or punishment, and involves self-directed motivation, it is both stronger and longer lasting, especially in the face of challenges.”

When we stay connected to God’s power, motivation persists regardless of outcomes, rewards, or punishments. This power equips us to face our battles, even when it feels like it doesn’t matter or nobody’s watching…and win! The growth that occurs during this process will further fuel your confidence and develop your character to face the next challenge! When you lose your attachment to playing the helpless victim, you can adopt your identity in Christ as more than a conqueror! Not only are you a hero with 24/7 access to the wisest guide, but as your victories compound, eventually you will also serve as someone else’s guide! Plug in and power up, your adventure awaits!

To start off, I’m going to ask you to recall a memory from childhood during those school-free summer months. What activities did you enjoy? A plunge in the pool to refresh from the heat of the sun? Testing how many flips could you do underwater before emerging to the surface? Laughter with playground pals while climbing to the top of the monkey bars? Being the last one left in your secret spot during ‘hide and seek’ in the brightness of those late daylight hours? As you capture that moment, I”ll share one of mine.

A little dead-end street south of Pittsburgh harbored a neighborhood full of playmates. Our afternoon gatherings of Indian ball, biking, forts, and street hockey were usually disrupted by the dreaded dinner bell. Reluctantly returning home to eat with my siblings, I ate the plate given to me. Whatever was on it was THE only option. Whether I enjoyed it or chomped it down with disdain, my attention usually drifted between light-hearted, silly conversation and dreams of regrouping with the neighborhood squad. A game of ‘kick the can’ or catching fireflies awaited! I couldn’t wait to go play again!

Why am I asking you to embrace a glimpse of yourself as a little kid? Perhaps your memory looks a little bit different, but chances are there was a time in your life where play and fellowship were more important than the food you were eating. In those days, food was an afterthought - almost an inconvenience and disruption to the fun!

Somewhere in the progression to adulthood, the function food served in my life expanded beyond its intended purpose of fueling and nourishing my body. My endless metabolism earned me the title of human garbage disposal. I knew no boundaries with food. Despite my high level of physical activity, in high school that caught up with me. I continually grazed for food without satisfaction. How many times can one open the refrigerator to find nothing new? During the onset of belated hormones, changes in body shape and metabolism coupled with the latest health fad led me to engage in strange but acceptable eating behaviors to moderate my weight.

Though I wasn’t actively trying to diet, in light of Atkins and saturated fat warnings, I leaned toward protein and fat-free alternatives. Adopting these regulations into my eating patterns produced a fear of eating fat. In addition, two classifications emerged…black and white categories labeled ‘good’ or ‘bad.’ This self-imposed dictionary of food rules then created shame, guilt, and resentment when eating foods on my ‘bad’ list. The harder I tried to abstain from such foods, the more indulgent and impulsive was the experience of eating them. As a result, my guilt increased and brought along with it the partner of internal defeat. How could my willpower be so weak?

By my college years, food took on additional responsibility for meeting my needs. Perfectionism, people-pleasing, and something else that happened to me left me seeking and searching for an escape. The answer I chose was food. Certainly, this was the solution to all my problems! Finally, I had control! Impulsion became compulsion, and I found myself a slave, powerless over the lure of food.

Food completely lost its intended purpose in my life. Taken out of context, food may become a source of harm rather than life to our bodies! If you don’t remember a time in younger years where food was normalized, fear not! This article will reveal a few key concepts to help put food in its place!

Living Sacrifice

When God breathed man to life, He also created a means to nourish the body. Carbohydrates, proteins, and fats serve to fuel the body with nutrients to provide energy and functionality to walk out our purpose on this earth!

Everything with nutrients was once living or produced by something living. In the natural world, God gives us a representation of sacrifice that brings life. When we pray before we eat, we pause and thank God for the life that was taken, reaped, or harvested to produce life in us. This ultimately points to Jesus on the cross. He died to give us life that we may live to the fullest.

Our bodies, in turn, are a living sacrifice to God. Explained in more detail in a previous article, consuming only what is dead (lacking nutrients, empty calories) will not produce any benefit. When the body receives antioxidants, minerals, vitamins, healthy fats, and proper nutrition, it will optimally cooperate to produce sleep, cognitive function, energy for activity, and everything for which God designed it! No matter what your daily eating habits look like, ensure a balance of vegetables, fruits, grains, proteins, and fats from the living things of the earth are incorporated to receive the essential elements required to operate at your best.

Moderation in Abundance

Humans are unique in that we have been created in the image of God not only to consume but to give. In this day and age, virtually unlimited access to food exists due to both artificial and synthetic production and the ability to simulate environmental conditions for growth year-round. Though an abundance is available to us, from the beginning of man in the Garden of Eden, God placed a limitation on access to the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil.

Any command from God is always for our good, and in our best interest. Despite this warning, the initial sin of man was eating outside of appropriate boundaries. Through deception of the enemy, food became the first temptation responsible for distortion of our identity, producing shame regarding our physical body. We can use this information to avoid falling into the deceptive tactics of the enemy. We must be careful that food does not become a crutch that causes us to despise or control our body.

While God gave us free choice and dominion over all things on the earth, the apostle Paul wisely informs us in I Corinthians 2:13 that

Unlike modern times, food from the earth wasn’t always accessible constantly. Time is required from planting to sprouting, from ripening to reaping, for hunting and cooking. Shelf-stable and packaged foods are available anytime, always. Even with earth-grown sources, these days drought and season rarely limit supply. You’d be hard pressed not to find a large bowl of fruit at any gathering, which may easily be over-consumed with the misconception that it’s healthy.

Everything in moderation is typically tried and true, the nutritious and the treats. Case in point, despite my strict eating of foods high in nutritional value for a pronounced season, I still gained weight. For those with exceptionally high metabolism, more nutrient-dense foods may be permissible, but for most, too much of a good thing…is still too much!

Food Value

During the uncomfortable process of unveiling my maladaptive behaviors with food, I discovered that all reasons for consuming food except taste were weeded out, even hunger. My only purpose for eating was satisfaction by taste. If my meal wasn’t immaculate, not only was I not satisfied, I became irrationally upset. Even if my taste buds rated it top notch, I always wanted more, still not satisfied. Placing a different value on food revolutionized my experience of eating, both in nutrient-dense foods and delightful dishes.

Even if a food ranks “0” for taste, I could rank it a “10” for nutritional value. My appreciation for this type of food and the benefits imparted to my body elevate my reception to consuming it. After 40 days without food or water, Jesus set the example for how to keep food in its place.

Nothing compares to fueling our body with spiritual meals - the Word of God that produces life and health! Requiring food for our body every day is symbolic of requiring spiritual nourishment daily so your spirit can operate from overflow and not lack. Just as you feel strong mental and physical effects from not eating in a day, your soul experiences pronounced effects of not nourishing your spirit in a day. You might just be less aware of them…until exhaustion, crisis, or collapse. Our daily dependence meets the true needs of our soul by keeping the soul rooted in Christ Jesus and the Word of God, which then fuels our body, mind, and soul to be at our best. Though pleasurable, food has a greater purpose - reminding us that God is our ultimate source, honoring God with our body which He designed, and strengthening the body and mind for His work, which is where we find true fulfillment!

Regarding treat foods, God desires for us to enjoy delicacies and celebrations. Instead of feeling guilty for eating a food ranking “0” in nutrition and “10” in taste, I discern its worth, moderate the portion, and savor and enjoy every bite for what it is. With a history of addictive binge eating or with health concerns, this is typically exercised with more precaution and intention. Instead of extremes, some foods eventually become both nutritious and delightful! Scientific research supports this. Your taste buds adapt and change due to various contributing factors over time. As the body is fueled with foods higher in nutritional content, cravings typically shift toward those foods when consumed with consistency over time. My scale for taste and nutrition is very different from when I started and now even roasted brussels sprouts rank very high in nutrition and taste!

Release Preoccupation to Find Freedom

The best way to prevent an unhealthy relationship with food is to avoid the onset of dieting in the first place. Most eyes reading this will have experimented with diets and restrictions, whether knowingly or unknowingly. In addition to that being part of my story, severe health complications took the driver’s seat, somewhat forcing me to learn about proper nutrition at a reasonably early age. Regardless of your current state - to improve general quality of life, correct underlying health issues, or honor God with your body - be encouraged! The body is resilient and wants to be your partner to help you operate at full capacity!

Just as valuable realizations are gained through evaluating relationships with parental figures, significant others, and friends, uncovering the function of food in your life reveals new information that may be used to change your approach to eating. By being open to exploring this dynamic, increased awareness coupled with action can lead to newfound freedom. Good and bad food rules may be released and reframed. Obsession and preoccupation with what foods to eat at meals, events, and holidays may be removed to be more fully engaged in conversations or more fully experience enjoyment of an activity. This freedom is not based on the scale or external factors, but an internal mindset toward your relationship with yourself. Your value and the value placed on food are able to take on a different perspective that is honoring to God, to your body, and to your taste buds!

I speak as one who has been in the depths of the pit. Hopeless and defeated, preoccupation with food completely consumed me on a daily basis for over 10 years, almost to death. It was my survival, my comfort, my escape, my relief, my indulgence. But by God’s grace and redefining the function of food in my life, I found freedom. In the end, I came to realize it had not a lot to do with food. No matter what your starting point is now or how you got here, if I can do it, you can do it too!

Summary

Imprinted on my heart is a vivid capture. For the first time since the binge eating addiction started, I couldn’t wait to be done eating dinner so I could go ‘play!’ Sure, adult ‘play’ is different, but I was more looking forward to what came after dinner than dinner itself. The weight of that obsession lifted, my mind uncluttered, my motivation to fellowship and develop skills in areas of interest restored…brought back the joy and carelessness I experienced in those summer days of childhood!

We must become aware that food is an area the enemy seeks to distort. Even if your mind and soul are healthy and at peace, an unhealthy relationship with food and your body may develop if this area is ignored. But God desires for us to be released of anything that is taking away or destroying and enjoy the “richest of foods” that truly satisfy. Food and fellowship are meant to be enjoyed, without compromising our quality of life!

To recap, be careful to keep the purpose and function of food in context. This can be done by appreciating that nutrients come from living sources God created to give us life. By recognizing just as food is necessary to fuel our body, spiritual helpings are necessary for a rich and fulfilling life. When God is first, a natural desire to take care of our body follows, and eating without judgment or guilt may be experienced. A healthy relationship with food and your body is able to be developed or improved so your energy can be focused pursuing your passions and priorities, even if that means playing a game of hide and seek after the streetlights come on!

When you visit a foreign land or culture, you pay a lot more attention to details. You have to plan better, ask questions to learn how things work, and adjust to different ways of doing things. Any new territory is uncomfortable at first. But if you lived there, you’d adapt, and the ways of operating would become so mainstream to you that you wouldn’t even think about it anymore. This is exactly how new disciplines are formed. It might be uncomfortable – even to the point of stress – at first, but disciplines are required to go to higher levels of yourself.

How do you feel when you hear the word “discipline?” This word typically prompts uncomfortable conviction along with feelings of frustration, defeat, or even shame. Why? It often pulls on self-control and will-power. We tend to admire others' ability to crush their job, study with diligence, refrain from social media, moderate their spending, or any number of things we wish we were doing better.

Throughout my coaching experience, this common theme emerges. Unless otherwise trained, the mind automatically jumps to areas we are struggling to change. This shines a light on our perceived lack and tends to make us feel less than we desire to be. We may even think we don’t have the ability to change in us based on past efforts that may have fallen through. Assumptions often trend toward the belief that some people are just born with a greater pool of will-power. That your DNA somehow missed that gene. Instead of creating envy toward others and bitterness toward self, the Bible and science reveal that there is another way. You CAN form new disciplines! It’s time to break the cycle and embrace the power of discipline that lives within you!

FLIP the SCRIPT

Instead of focusing on the places you lack and would like to improve, flip the script! What areas do you excel in? Chances are that you already practice some disciplines quite well. Do you thrive at your job, have patience with others, train in a skill, budget your spending, or consistently execute certain chores? Make a list! This is meant to show you that you are indeed capable! Think about what motivates you to continue doing these things. How can you transfer and apply that motivation to develop a healthy pattern in a new area?

Is there something you thought you could never do? Something that was initially intimidating? Or maybe really hard? But through procrastination and barriers you persevered to discover not only are you capable, but you actually kind of enjoy it?

The beginning of my clean eating journey felt impossible. When getting started, I told myself “I’ll eat healthy until I feel better, then go back to eating what I want.” I battled a victim mentality that I “had” to give up everything that tasted good (changing my eating was critical to restoring my health) and it wasn’t fair. Regardless, out of desperation I started out by committing to 3 weeks. Due to complications, both mental and physical, my journey took substantial time. But now, many foods I once indulged in are unappealing, my portion size is moderated, and my taste buds have flat out changed. I actually enjoy eating clean and don’t want to go back! I never saw that coming! What feels like a burden now can become your new normal. Don’t set limits to what’s possible! Read on to break down several key factors that promote a lifestyle of forming healthy disciplines.

DISCIPLINE is RELATIVE - KEEP    PERSPECTIVE

Discipline is relative, and therefore, unwise to compare. If someone in your world demonstrates an exceptional ability to excel in an area you’d like to grow in, ask them about it! The reason they have become so good may surprise you. Perhaps their upbringing cultured them to do something well. What’s inherent to a person is easy to do! Maybe their motivation to take care of their health stems from their experience with a sick parent? Or maybe you’ll learn the difficult journey their self-control required.

For me, exercise comes naturally. As a former athlete, the discipline is ingrained. It’s not hard. In fact, missing a workout is far more uncomfortable, even when I don’t feel like it. My eating, however, will go haywire without self-control applied. Maintaining healthy eating habits requires planning, energy, accountability, mental surrender, and concentrated effort. Without these tools in place, one would likely find me drifting toward binge eating or obsessing over food after very little time.

As another example, growing up, I was taught to be very mindful of how I spend money. As a result, saving money comes very easily to me. Spending it is actually very hard. Both extremes have consequences, and though most would see my saving as discipline, it had not been without depriving myself and endless hours wasted in mental agony finding the best bargain. I’ve had to learn the VALUE in spending by pushing through the discomfort it caused.

Hopefully you are convinced that considering the underlying reasons will level the playing field. Asking kills assumptions and opens perspective. Monitoring your thought life is critical. Every point stated in this article is geared toward creating a mindset that allows you to succeed in anything! What’s hard for one may be easy for another, so keep your focus on your journey and conserve your energy for the places you need it most!! 

OWNERSHIP/RESPONSIBILITY ARE THE KEYS TO STARTING

The general consensus among adults is that forming new disciplines requires a lot of energy and work. Staying in the known familiar is easier, and more comfortable. After all, who has time to try a different way? But the longer you ignore those underlying convictions, the stronger they become. Being undisciplined takes a toll. A dissonance between who you know you can be and who you are demonstrating forms, and that struggle may steal your fulfillment and satisfaction. This mentality trickles into family dynamics, other relationships, work performance, and one’s outlook in general. Eventually a point is reached where the misery of the familiar outweighs the fear of the unknown, then a readiness to change develops. But it doesn’t have to be that way!!

The reality is that being undisciplined does NOT feel good. So how can new disciplines start to be embraced rather than avoided? Simply by facing what caused you to be in your present condition.

Proverbs 10:17 - People who accept discipline are on the pathway to life, but those who ignore correction will go astray.

Excuses are destroyed in the spirit of ownership. “Facing the music” was humiliating and humbling when I finally embraced the courage to do so, but every person that loved me supported my path. The refining process of breaking down false beliefs and making amends for my wrongdoing - whether to self or others - hurt. But on the other end of the pain was healing, forgiveness, maturity, a renewed mind, and freedom!

I didn’t have to stay there but I had to start there. The only way to move forward is to have a place to start. That means taking ownership and responsibility for the mistakes and decisions you’ve made that got you where you are. Then you have somewhere to move forward from. When you start taking responsibility for yourself, it feels good. You gain confidence to take responsibility for your family, your work, and your community. You begin to focus your energy pursuing your passions and the priorities that matter. Discipline promotes satisfaction, enables productivity and efficiency, and creates freedom and space. So, now you are ready to ask the question, how do I start to see discipline in a new light?

 REDEFINE DISCIPLINE

Discipline has biblical roots. It is a fruit of the spirit. That means, discipline is developed over time and through trials. What a relief to know that the will-power boat didn’t leave without you! When you choose a new way of doing something, your brain is rerouting neural pathways (thought patterns) from their “default” mode. Initially, this will require extra energy and work. But as you lean in to making small decisions to take care of yourself, each time the new path is reinforced, and it becomes easier.

Galatians 5:22-23 - But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control [discipline].

So, discipline isn’t something you inherently have a deposit of or not. It’s developed! To further drive this home, scientific studies reveal the nature of employing discipline. An experimental study was performed that tested the willpower of children placed in a room with nothing but a plate and a marshmallow on the table before them. The instructions were simple, “if you wait 15 minutes, you’ll receive another marshmallow, but if you consume it, you won’t get any more.” Some of the children got creative, but a critical conclusion is worth our attention: the kids that were the most successful focused on something else. Some got up and played or covered the marshmallow with their plate, so they didn’t have to look at it. In order to achieve their goal (the second marshmallow), the potential barrier to failure (the first marshmallow) was removed from sight or mind, or both. The children who were successful didn’t necessarily possess elevated will-power, but they chose to exercise it less!

Wow! How would it feel to apply this concept to an area you’d like to improve? When vulnerabilities are known, you can plan ahead of time where you will set your thinking when thoughts of compromise come. Instead of fighting temptation with food or debating if you’ll stop at the gym after work, remove the junk food! Pack gym clothes the night before and put them in your car! This translates to every facet of our world. Stop the energy drain by removing anything that causes you to waiver. Anything that takes away from the best version of yourself. This eliminates energy wasted debating because you’ve already decided! Life events may trigger thoughts that try to derail your progress, but when you surrender to God’s will, which is always in your best interest, you will find strength to keep going. God cares that you struggle with overeating. He cares about your late night habits. He cares about the relationships around you. He cares about every detail of your life!

God has a plan for your life. When you seek Him, He will show you what you have right now to begin walking that out! Pray for strength to overcome. God will help you renew your thinking and prioritize your energy to invest in areas that yield positive return. Time spent in relationship with Him is the highest form of investment. God created you and knows your blueprint, and His love transforms! That sounds like a good exchange! Remember that it is the Holy Spirit who develops the fruit of self-discipline within you. Eventually, the association of feeling good with the new discipline will start to place value on giving your energy to it, and it will become more desirable! If social media will draw you in like a black hole, don’t look until after you complete your task! You can even make it a reward - another strategy you can implement to facilitate developing a new healthy discipline.

MODERATE YOUR DOPAMINE RESPONSE

This strategy is a fascinating scientific discovery proven by evidence-based research. The more we saturate our brain with pleasure, the more dopamine response we become used to, the less tolerance we have for anything that seems unpleasurable. Treating myself to an appropriate reward is precisely what I do to aid productivity at work. After 4 solid hours of morning work, I take a 15-minute break to check my email or my phone.

Think about it! If you keep doing something you don’t want to do, why are you doing it? It’s bringing you some kind of pleasure. Checking my phone might not sound like much of a treat, but couple that with the fact that I don’t have a TV and abstain from social media during the day. Add in focusing tremendous mental capacity (well, most days), and a little personal time for connection is surprisingly gratifying. And there is satisfaction in productivity itself - working hard and accomplishing something - is its own reward!

‘Dopamine starvation’ is completely individualized based on what brings pleasure to you. Maybe your phone is a necessary annoyance due to kids or your job but eating mindlessly engages your pleasure receptors. Maybe you show up at work on time every day, but you struggle with procrastination or talking to co-workers instead of getting started. No matter what the situation is, it may be beneficial for you to evaluate your activities against your priorities and moderate pleasure-seeking behaviors. By restricting cravings for dopamine and unleashing them in defined, healthy ways, more fulfillment will likely be found in your labor, and typically the enjoyable experience will carry more weight! In essence, “work hard, play hard!”

CHANGE your MIND, CHANGE your  OUTCOME

While some limiting factors are legitimate, many of our excuses or justifications are based on circumstances in the physical world. This is powerful because though we often attribute external obstacles like time, resources, or family to our inability to make a change, true barriers often reside within us.

Many mental hurdles in our thoughts may be holding us back. “What if I fail?” “What if everyone finds out how messed up I am?” “What if I can’t do it?” On a deeper level “What if I don’t like who I am?” “How did I get myself here?” My mentality severely limited me until extreme health concerns forced me to alter my thinking.

Consider asking some questions that have greater potential to get you toward your goals: What are the consequences if I don’t change? What if I CAN do it? Why am I holding on to something that is no longer serving me? What will I discover about myself?

We usually want to change because we don’t like ourselves. When motivation is external, you may get the result you want, but at the risk of not seeing yourself differently and therefore that result not lasting very long. Without internal transformation, it’s unlikely for motivation to continue without feeling a huge energy drain, no matter your appearance, success, or status.

Along with focusing on treating yourselves with love in your present state, preparing emotionally to let go of old ways of operating and old habits is necessary to make room for the new!

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

The kids from the marshmallow experiment were tracked into adulthood, where findings revealed those consistently demonstrating will-power (delayed gratification) were more successful on a number of markers.  Consistency is key.

The biggest block I experienced in adopting new disciplines was the expectation that I had to do them perfectly. I knew I wouldn’t be able to control my eating forever. Perfectionism is fueled by fear and control to guarantee an outcome. Having grace on myself and getting back up after a lesson learned formed a mentality that set the stage for sustainable change. In a place of grace, the fear of failing loses its hold. What matters more than executing a plan perfectly is handling mistakes as opportunities to grow. Indeed, some flexibility within a plan is necessary to adapt to different seasons in life.

Single. Married. Parent. Senior. Working. Unemployed. Retired. All require different mindsets and strategies to accomplish the same discipline. Training the mind and consistency in implementation prevail against any curve balls life may throw!

Identify the one area that you would like to grow in that would make the greatest impact in your life right now. Narrow your focus to that one thing. What little daily steps can you take to form a new discipline? What might you have to give up to obtain it? Remind yourself of your WHY. When external results fade to the belief that you can do anything, you’ll be able to embrace self-control in multiple ways.

The most important thing is to get started. Don’t delay the blessings and prolong the suffering!!

Zechariah 4:10 - Do not despise these small beginnings, for the LORD rejoices to see the work begin, to see the plumb line in Zerubbabel’s hand.”

 CONCLUSION

[DISCIPLINE is for GOOD]

Some discipline requires sacrifice. But remember it is for your GOOD. As spiritual beings, we will face battles against what our flesh wants. But we are equipped to prevail. The more we get in tune with a relationship with our Heavenly Creator, the more we will align our desires with our original design. Take responsibility for where you are without judging yourself. New beginnings require leaving old things behind to make room. Challenge is necessary to be satisfied and grow. Let’s embrace where you are and learn how to form new beginnings! His mercies are fresh every morning. Starting fresh is hard, but nothing will be different if you don’t change anything now. While it does require nourishment and release, putting healthy disciplines into practice actually creates more freedom and joy that drives new motivation for healthy lifestyle change! As you brace the courage to travel into unknown territory and continue on your journey through the hardship of discipline, each new destination holds excitement and fulfillment with your name on it!

Whether you believe in God or you don’t, the law of sowing and reaping governs our world. The concept is pretty basic: we harvest what we cultivate. This applies across all aspects of our lives. The seeds that are planted determine the type of fruit that grows. This fruit can be ripe with nutrients or rotten and bitter.

As Galatians 6:7 tells us Do not be deceived: God is not to be mocked. Whatever a man sows, he will reap in return.

When it comes to our health, the food we eat is a strong determinant in how our body and mind operate. My struggles with addictive binge eating taught me the law of sowing and reaping firsthand. My first error was addressing only the fruit that was visible. In other words, I only wanted to change behaviors on the outside. I sought after every fix that promised change without doing the work underground. Surely the acid reflux was to blame. Maybe if I lived in an apartment with others, if I saw a therapist, if I only overate healthy foods, the harvest would change. All of the above were tested and found lacking.

Yes, even too much of a good thing, wasn’t a good thing. What shocked my world, when I finally came to my senses was that my struggles with unhealthy eating habits had nothing to do with food. The problem…I was still planting the same seeds that resulted in the same destructive behaviors.

What do I mean? I’ve binged on foods I love (obviously) but also foods I’ve despised. Now we’re getting somewhere. The act of binge eating was serving a different purpose than food was intended to do. I had a volume consumption problem related to escaping trying to operate perfectly at all times, which I did to be lovable and worth something. Bingo! That was the seed. No matter how many more things I did or how much counseling I received, until I changed that seed, the same behaviors sprouted.

Unknowingly, focusing on the things we can change above ground can be extremely discouraging when results don't follow. You may feel like you keep putting the work in and ending up with the same bad apples. It’s especially disheartening when we know we should be doing something different, but we can’t seem to change. Knowing the destructive consequences of what I was doing and not being able to stop felt even worse. I wasn’t trying to nourish the bad seeds, but I was by ignorance nourishing the wrong seeds. But rotten apples were not destined to be my harvest forever. And neither are they for you.

Take heart! If you’re struggling to change a habit and have it stick, you’ve got to start at seed level. There is comfort in realizing it is not a mere act of willpower. Taking care of ourselves requires grace and compassion. With God’s help, I started planting a new garden in my heart. It only takes the growth of one good seed to turn your outlook from uncertain to hopeful!

Sometimes getting to the bottom of our unhealthy habits is hard, uncomfortable work. But once you smell the fragrance of the buds of change, once you taste the fruit of healthy patterns overturning former defeat, your body, mind, and soul will have new life! At the very least, a glimmer of confidence that things can be different.

Almost everyone reading this article has health and fitness goals they’d like to implement or improve. As an integrative health and behavior change life coach, a certified personal trainer, a scientist, and one who has lived every facet of disordered eating, I would like to share practical tips you can use to plant better seeds in exercising and eating to reap the best version of yourself.

TIPS FOR STARTING THE PROCESS OF CHANGE

- Let go of past attempts, experiences, and perceived failures and forgive yourself

 The root of my struggles with food behaviors was spiritual at the source. One of the biggest hurdles to getting started was how much I resented myself for getting into the predicament I was in.  In addition to feeling like something was wrong with me and inadequate because normally I am good at achieving results, I was withholding forgiveness from myself.  This caused me to despise who I was because of where I was.  Further, this way of thinking watered the belief that I was unworthy and deserved punishment.  But condemnation is not of God.  In fact, the Word of God is alive and produces life when we plant it in our heart and let it grow.  This life-giving truth is revealed in

Hebrews 8:12 For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more.”

Icouldn’t pay the cost for my sins, but Christ took my punishment on the cross that I bear it no more.  You are forgiven!  The price is already paid!  God is not holding anything against you.  Now it’s time to not hold anything against yourself.  Having grace and mercy on yourself will tremendously impact your journey for the better.  You shouldn’t be anywhere else.  You are exactly where you should be now.  We have to start where we are, but we don’t have to stay that way!  You don’t have to be who you used to be!  When we turn to God as we are, He won't leave us the same because we were made to become like Him, by reflecting His character.

- Instead of willpower, surrender to the process

Another obstacle to initiating the process of change was my intense fear of failing. I had tried many, many things in the past, what if I couldn’t do it? Then my failure would be on public display! News flash, it already was! And it’s not about anyone other than me.

The myth I believed was that it was all up to me: my effort, my responsibility, mine to have, mine to lose. Making tough changes is hard enough without all the added (internal) pressure! Instead of trying harder or doing more, my success in recovery was an act of surrender.

Recognize that if what you’ve tried in the past hasn’t worked, you must be open to another way. Any backsliding during the process is an opportunity to learn and grow. When you ride a bicycle, if you fall off, you don’t get up where you started. You get up where you fell off and you keep going! You’re not starting over, you’re growing! Awareness and learning are part of the process!

 - Clean your slate

Decide that you will release all past experiences with diets and exercise plans.  Whether or not they were successful, if you’re back to seeking solutions, they weren’t sustainable. 

            If we want different results, we have to do something different.  Be willing to get rid of all preconceived notions. 

As Paul states in Philippians 3:13 “..I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead,

Start fresh with a renewed spirit and allow your mind to be willing. This is extremely important as we cannot build on a faulty foundation.  We want our journey to start on solid ground!

This also includes eliminating comparison.  Your body is unique.  Your experiences are unique.  And your journey is your own.  What works for one may not work for another.  Nothing will work if you aren’t willing to do it.  These steps are aimed to help you determine what will be sustainable for you!

 - Set SMART goals and write them down

If you haven’t heart of SMART goals, SMART stands for: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Timebound.  Take some time to sit down and clarify your goals.  An example of a SMART goal is “I would like to lose 10 lbs in 2 months by exercising 4 days per week and reducing my daily caloric intake by 300 calories.”

According to research, when we write our goals down regularly, we are 42% more likely to achieve them.  That percentage goes up when we share them.  Stating our goals out loud and sharing them can be scary.  Once we put it out there, we are accountable to it and have something to lose.  Others will know if we’re not on track.  This is a mental hurdle I encourage you to push through.  True friends and family only want the best for you and will support you through your journey to the best of their abilities. 

- Identify your barriers

Reflect on what factors may be preventing you from taking action with your next steps.

 - Time

According to NASM. the number one barrier to exercise reported across America is time. In an age where we are more efficient than ever, no one is getting any less busy. We must choose to be intentional with where we are spending our time and how we are prioritizing it. Are you currently doing anything that can be cut out to make time for exercise or cooking? As well as balancing family, God, and rest?

 - Other barriers

There are unlimited amounts of distractions and obstacles that may deter you from your intentions to start something new. Some of the most common are career and work hours, lack of support from family or friends, inconvenience, unrealistic expectations, lack of knowledge, and lack of resources. Can you identify anything that’s holding you back?

Some obstacles can be eliminated while others might require creative solutions.  One of the most important is support, especially when implementing change is challenging.  Whether specific help with planning meals, emotional support through a therapist or coaching, a workout buddy, or having the family on board, there are numerous ways to not go it alone!

-Fast, cheap, good

To be realistic in evaluating options to overcome potential barricades to progress, the business principle of good, cheap, and fast is a reasonable check. Basically, this concept implies that you can only have two of the options listed. The choice is up to you. For example, if you want good quality food quickly, you compromise on cost. It’s going to be expensive. Conversely, if you want good quality food but are willing to sacrifice time, you can save money, but you’ll have to cook. Almost always, food that is inexpensive that you can get quickly, aka “fast food” is of low quality. This isn’t universal but levels expectations.

-Schedule & Prepare

At the beginning of each week, plan your intentions. By creating a plan, you move from intentions to action. Workouts can be inserted into your schedule. Meal preparation, grocery shopping, and nights for cooking and leftovers can be mapped out. Plan a time to meal prep, buy ingredients, and when to grocery shop. Try to tack it in on your way home. In case you did a double take, that’s right…I did say to plan your planning! What doesn’t get planned won’t get done!

-Time-savers

- Because time is a significant determinant for most people engaging in exercise and planning meals, a few ideas for improving efficiency are bulleted below.

· Take one afternoon or evening to meal prep. Even if you cook all your meat, veggies and side dishes are easier to make quickly.

· Cook larger amounts than you’ll consume and portion containers to place in the freezer

· Make crock pot meals where ingredients can be thrown in and left to their own devices

· Walk during your lunch break or do a body-weight circuit workout

· If you travel frequently, check your bag and walk around the airport

· Make it social and meal prep with friends - if you both have kids, make it a play date.

-Back-up plan

- Having a contingency plan is wise as we all forget things when the going gets busy. And if you are making changes where motivation is low, any excuse can take off at warp speed.—- - Life happens, so doing your best to be prepared helps adherence.

-A few things that I do to maximize success:

- Pack a spare gym bag with clothes and shoes in the car in case workout clothes are left behind

- Establish a quick, healthy back-up meal in the case of unexpected pop-ups, delayed appointments, or returns from vacation.

- Pre-portion food to grab and go during the week

My neighborhood has a grocery store within walking distance with pre-grilled chicken, frozen vegetables, and frozen sweet potatoes. Throw in some healthy fats, sea salt, cracked pepper, add some heat, and in a matter of minutes, a healthy meal is before me! Not all of these are feasible for everyone. For your situation, determine what you can do to optimize your chances for compliance to your goals.

-Flexibility & Fun

Once I gained confidence in abstaining from binge eating and obsessive food behaviors, I was able to add flexibility to my eating plan. Disclaimer, this took me a LONG time. For example, on days I go out to eat, I absorb my afternoon snack into dinner so I can eat more calories at dinner but stay within a reasonable caloric intake for my body’s needs. And it doesn’t require me to count calories! For my fitness routine, I plan three hard workouts per week. If my body is not cooperating or I have an event I want to attend, I shuffle my workouts around. As long as I get those three hard workouts in, I feel satisfied with my effort.

Adding flexibility can make taking care of yourself more fun as you gain autonomy and freedom! I caution you to add flexibility once discipline is established, otherwise the risk of going down the rabbit-trail of excuses may lead to inaction and indifference, stunting momentum. Most of the time, I am rigid with structuring the incorporation of things in my week that contribute to my health and quality of life. Being flexible allows me to not miss out on rare occasions, creating meaningful memories with loved ones, or unique and unusual events that only come around every once in a while!

The steps above serve as a guide to get started. If the process is slower than desired or changes aren’t sticking, then as discussed above, peeling back the layers may reveal where you are stuck. Lasting, sustainable change stems from the inside out. If your seeds are deeper than time management and prioritizing, which they usually are, consider these four critical factors in the process of implementing habit and behavior change:

4 IMPORTANT FACTORS TO LASTING BEHAVIOR CHANGE

1. Change starts within the mind.

2. Sowing requires work and sacrifice.

3. Unrealistic expectations and emotional attachment to results leads to frustration when results aren’t in your timing.

4. Progress not perfection.

 When you approach change from internal transformation and not external modification, the effort and work become easier and, in many cases, desirable.  As you become more intentional with prioritizing exercise, you improve mood and have more energy to enjoy time with family.              

Even if it takes deep sadness to let go of old habits, you will later rejoice in the benefits of your efforts!

As the Bible tells us in Psalm 126:5 “Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!"

Even if it takes deep sadness to let go of old habits, you will later rejoice in the benefits of your efforts!

You CAN do this! Focus on one seed at a time. Nourish that seed. As it grows, the benefits will be multiplied, and you will gain confidence in your ability to do many more things that you once thought you couldn’t! Watch as a world of new possibilities opens up when you start planting new seeds!

Have you ever taken steps toward the next thing with enthusiasm to discover that something is holding you back? So frustrating! We’ve all been there...but why?

To advance toward what lies ahead, we must examine what remains behind. We may be carrying an extra load from previous mistakes, hurtful experiences, unresolved guilt, unprocessed grief, or unforgiveness.

Left unchecked, these things create a heaviness in our soul that weighs us down, hindering our ability to move forward. We may stay busy and moving as a subconscious tactic to avoid dealing with painful emotions. That’s exactly what I did in hopes of escaping the pain!

For years, I ran from feelings of inadequacy and rejection, displaying only my mask of perfectionism. It was almost as if I was running around a track. Even though I was always moving, I was really going in circles and going nowhere. Stopping to face all the stuff behind that wounded me was too painful. Staying ‘on the run’ felt better. Slowing the pace would grant too much time for my mind to wander and negative feelings to surface. No thanks! So, I kept going. But it got harder. Continuing to carry the weight of the past without releasing it has an accumulative effect. The longer I let my wounds bleed instead of tending to them, the more it hurt and the worse my condition became.

Operating out of the belief that I wasn’t good enough eventually became too heavy. The load was too burdensome to continue, and I was forced to pause. Covering up my messes instead of taking responsibility for them came at a high cost. Because I did not have the emotional or spiritual capacity to deal with my pain and my past, I developed a severe eating disorder in my young adult life.

The more we hold on to, the more difficult it is to run. I was running without destination... aimless because I was running away instead of running toward something. Carrying unnecessary baggage and running from ourselves is not the kind of race God intended for us to endure.

Instead, Hebrews 12:1 instructs us to “strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.”

Notice that the weight doesn’t just fall off when we look to Jesus. This is no different than removing unwanted physical weight on our bodies. Acknowledging how we are contributing to our loaded down condition, then identifying and implementing several lifestyle changes enables us to release the extra pounds over time. It requires our intentionality and effort. We can’t expect someone else to take the weight off for us. We actually have to address the junk in our trunk and acknowledge it to strip it off and keep it off. If we do not recognize something as a hindrance, we won’t realize the negative impact it has on our ability to function.

For me, this meant I had to take responsibility for some of the ways I was operating that got me to my present condition. This can be extremely painful. Sometimes healing hurts.

Looking at myself was hard. Facing everything I dragged with me for years was uncomfortable and overwhelming. But I learned that there was a God who accepted me as I was, flaws intact. As I placed my security in Him, one by one I found the courage to face mistakes, expose lies I was believing about myself, and revisit traumatic past occurrences. As a result, healing and transformation began to release the weights. If we understood the adverse effects of carrying emotional weight like extra pounds on our body, we'd likely be more than willing to go through a little discomfort to shed the excess!

As Hebrews 12:2 goes on to say “We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith.”

In the presence of Jesus it is safe to expose your hurt and pain. No matter what you’ve done or experienced, as you intentionally bring those afflictions into awareness, you give Jesus access to redeem, heal, and transform them. Then, you can drop the extra weight inflicted by each wound… and leave it behind!

Our participation in the process reinforces our decision to move on without the burden. Any temptation to pick ‘a weight’ back up again is countered by our memory of making a conscious decision to lay it down because we no longer need or want to carry it.

Released from the bondage of our past, we are then ready to step ahead to a finish line where hope, purpose, and joy motivate every stride!

Philippians 3:13-14 … 13 but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.

Forgetting the past is not the same as denying, ignoring, or avoiding the past. I had to process and take responsibility for the events that contributed to my broken ways before I could forget it and shift my focus forward. Even if someone else inflicted pain, we are still responsible to forgive and heal. In fact, it is a necessity in the healing process.

For the longest time, I couldn’t find it in my heart to forgive myself. I felt I deserved to be punished because I “brought this pain on myself.” Further, holding on to that grudge against myself hinders my relationship with my Heavenly Father. Even if we did do something that caused our own downfall, we are forgiven in Christ. His grace is sufficient to redeem and restore us.

No matter who caused your wounds or how they were inflicted, caring for them is necessary. When the bleeding stops, beautiful scars remain that tell your story. They will remind you where you came from, but instead of bleeding all over your life, they become a mark of overcoming that inspires others who may struggle with the same former bondage. There is nothing in your past Jesus cannot transform. God will meet you where you are, but He won’t leave you that way.

It is a choice to leave the past behind and trust God’s Word over needing to understand why something happened or make up for your wrongdoing. Running with endurance happens by partnering with Jesus. By taking the weight of your sins and your sufferings on the cross, Jesus made a way for you to be fueled by His strength instead of your own! As you let go of things in the past that provided temporary comfort or relief and grab on to God’s love, roots are planted that bring nourishment to the source of your pain, where true release and freedom take place! 

As the familiar scripture in Matthew 11:28-30 says “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

When we are not running from our past, looking behind serves a new purpose. We can now use it to provide hope and encouragement to others through our testimony and to remind ourselves of the ways God has provided, protected, delivered, and championed us!

Instead of something to be ashamed of, our past can be a platform that displays God’s grace. In Christ, we can face the future with confidence in His abilities! Let’s stop tripping over the weight behind us and run our race together toward our Heavenly Father. He is waiting with open arms to release our burdens so we can pick up the cross He meant for us to carry!

Have you ever revisited a challenging moment from your past and wish you knew then what you know now? Reflecting on a moment that I never shared before did exactly that. In high school, my twin sister was elected to represent our prom court. I told her congratulations, because I knew it was the right thing to do, but lingering despair gripped my soul. When the votes were revealed, my sister was announced Prom Queen. A beautiful person inside and out, she was more than deserving! But when I saw her crown, all I could see was my lack.

The enemy uses several tactics to keep us from seeing our unique value. One of the greatest distractions happens when we filter our worth through the lens of comparison. By definition, comparison means an examination of two or more items to establish or estimate similarities and dissimilarities. When our measurement system for worth in life is based on the lifestyle and gifts others around us, the result has proven detrimental to our health. Scientific studies continue to uncover the negative effects of social comparison on psychological well-being. Tied to elevated feelings of depression, anxiety, and stress, self-esteem takes the biggest hit. We may not realize how prevalent a mindset of comparison has become until we consciously evaluate our thoughts. Our inner critic doesn’t need more help casting doubt and prompting bad feelings, so we must make an intentional effort to shut down these thoughts that destroy us!

Why is focusing on our own walk so hard? In a condemning world full of judgment and opinions, the opportunities to compare are endless. If not politics or racism, then parenting, physical appearance, status, or profession. The abundance of social networking sites and technology at our fingertips created a standard to measure our lives against. Whether through pictures, words, or appearances, the scale we form our judgments on is often skewed. Images and appearances do not reveal the substance underneath. We fill in the gaps and create their stories, usually in a way that exposes our perceived inadequacies.

Consider this. Have you ever tried to sweep the floor with a rake? Using such a tool for that task would be vastly ineffective, frustrating, and exhausting. Why? Obviously, we know the reason - a rake is not designed to sweep the floor but to gather larger objects. If we rate the performance of the rake by the standards of the broom, it is destined to be found incomplete. This example might seem silly, but so often we spend a lifetime trying to rake when we were created to sweep! God designed us with a specific purpose.. We are wise to heed Paul’s words in 2 Corinthians 10:12 “Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding.” When we operate outside of God’s design, we suffer.

I fell head first into this comparison trap. Not knowing where my value came from at an early age set the stage for comparing against external factors to find my self-worth. Sibling relationships are among the first to teach us how to relate to others. Being twin to a near perfect human being and sister to a genius older brother could have been a supportive environment to learn and grow. But with my insecurities unspoken, these factors contributed to a deeply rooted mental battle for self-worth that escalated during my teenage years and trickled into early adulthood.

Outside looking in, others would assume I was fulfilled and thriving. By the world’s standards, I was extremely successful. Academic honors, athletic accolades, record-breaking achievements, leadership positions, and multiple awards decorated my resume. Second place came rarely, save for the track State Championship and my sister.

No problem was apparent. But there was a BIG one inside of me. What I unintentionally learned and falsely believed was that anything other than winning was failing. With my sense of acceptance tied to achieving, ‘losing’ caused my self-worth to plummet as fear consumed my heart. What if others didn’t accept me? If I didn't win, did I even matter? With my shortcomings publicly displayed, next time I would try harder to avoid the pain of the defeat. I entered into a constant ‘seek and achieve’ mode, self-worth running on empty unless another success fueled me. The insecurity I tried to alleviate through measuring up to the standards of others actually resulted in feeling more insecure than when I started.

This mindset was so severe that celebrating the success of others close to me was a challenge. Why? When they were elevated, I felt like nobody saw me. Not only did comparison make me feel “less than”, it robbed me of the ability to celebrate a joyous moment with someone I love. Because I didn’t accept myself and believed I was inadequate, my heart was divided. Thinking from this faulty foundation distorted my reality. Instead of finding fulfillment within myself, I looked for it outside of myself, which created an unhealthy appetite for approval. As the Bible reveals, this is where division enters.

I’ve never told anyone this, but I almost didn’t vote for my sister to win Prom Queen. How crazy?! Who was I even comparing to? Whose standards was I measuring up to?

Thankfully, God is gracious and merciful to lead us to peace, wholeness, and restore all that we were made to be. Heavenly standards do not require perfection but submission. I am happy to say now that I am not who I was then. Being cracked and broken led me to a place of complete surrender. Of all that I am. And all that I am not. By submitting and intentionally letting God’s Word become the standard that governed my life, my thinking was reconstructed. This new lens was clear and pure and comforting. I began to understand who I was according to my Maker. Only the original manufacturer knows how to fix what became broken through improper use. Only they can restore complete function because they hold the master blueprint to the original design. Through the assembly line made possible by Christ, my pieces were put back together. I discovered how much I like being ME, whether someone accepts me or not! Recalibration took some time, but it started with loving, forgiving, and finding unity within myself. Even more, being secure in my identity led to a new ability to develop productive, healthy relationships with others without reservation!

One amazing example of embracing unity over comparison to achieve more together is king David’s friendship with Jonathan. Jonathan was the son of king Saul and therefore the rightful heir to the throne. But through spending time with David, he recognized David’s anointing to be Israel’s King. Jonathan could have chosen to be angry and bitter. He had the power to put obstacles in David’s way. Instead, Jonathan chose to be united with David. Security in our specific purpose is required to stay in our lane and lift others up. And that’s exactly what Jonathan did. He went out of his way to help David in times of trouble, to ensure David’s safety and success.

This scripture passage gives me chills.

David faced significant opposition and division, but the power of unity was stronger. Jonathan overcame the temptation to compare because he knew his place. Partnering in purpose resulted in triumph for the good of an entire nation. You hold the same power to impact your community, but not alone!

God created each of us uniquely, with differences that make you special. We were meant to function with purpose in harmony “as one body,” both independently and in connection with others. When one entity of the body is broken, pain is experienced, and some function is lost. By God’s design, other parts compensate until healing restores the injury. My whole life I viewed others as competition, which left me on my own scrambling to “make it,” whatever that meant. By rejecting the rest of the body, I was limited in my ability to function.

Connecting with others requires vulnerability, which can be scary. Developing a relationship with your Heavenly Father plants acceptance, approval, and love within yourself. With security in Christ, exposing weaknesses to others becomes less frightening. Fear of judgment or rejection goes out the window. Instead of comparing, you are able to join forces and prosper!

God has secured a place for us - you and me - at His table that no one else can take. God reassures us of this in Psalm 16:5 “LORD, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure.” Another translation reads “you guard all that is mine.” Instead of hustling and grinding to beat others to the table, understanding that no one can take your seat - even if you’re late…or you sat at the wrong table first - allows you to slow down, embrace the process, and build connections as you get there.

Mental energy channeled toward purpose creates satisfaction, but going beyond ourselves to impact others creates fulfillment unlike anything else! Your position as ‘just a parent,’ a single adult, a volunteer, or an underpaid worker is imperative to keep the body in its place, and it matters. Without you, there is a malfunction in the system. You are needed!

There is strength in unity. Strength to conquer fears you’ve already faced. Strength to tackle current challenges. Strength to expand into new territory with confident expectations that any hurdle you are meant to tackle can be overcome together. We need people to help us get to our destination and walk out our purpose, because our purpose is always bigger than ourselves.

When we let go of comparison and serve one another in love, we might be surprised by the exchange that takes place. We might be humbled to realize we have something they need, or they have something for us to receive. Or both! Through collaboration with others unlike us, magnificent inventions introduce beauty and creativity into our world that positively impact and benefit others!

You might be surprised at the hidden strengths discovered only in the context of serving and collaborating with others. I was! The key to killing unhealthy comparison is to embrace where you are now. Phrases like “keeping up with the Jones’s” or “the grass is greener on the other side” provoke the temptation to be in a different season. The only way out of your current season…is to embrace the one you’re in. God sees you, He knows, and He cares. Comparison only leads to good outcomes in the context of God's standards, otherwise I encourage you, dare to NOT compare! Instead, unite!

First, let go of what others have that you want. Then use the resources at your disposal now. Instead of seeing what you don’t have, use what you have now and be grateful for the blessings. You have everything you need. Learn the lessons. Develop a skill. Most importantly, seek the Lord for guidance in your steps. Gentle direction will be provided. New ways of thinking will light up paths you weren’t able to see before!

Then…connect. Get a coach! See a therapist! Grab a workout buddy! Find a spiritual mentor! Interview someone in your dream career and learn from them! Meet with a person that has what you [think you] want and ask them questions! Have a conversation with someone different from you to broaden your perspective! One small connection can create a spark that lights a fire!

Be the broom you were created to be, sweep like it matters, and embrace the power of unity to enhance your effectiveness and experience joy in the process! You never know what could blossom!

 The approaching holidays are depicted as the most wonderful time of the year, a season where “hearts will be glowing when loved ones are near” and everyone will “be of good cheer.” Despite the expectation of spirits flying high, statistics reveal that the majority of people have a different experience. Studies determined that 60-70% of people encounter elevated stress during the holiday season. Yet in congruence, results also concluded that the prominent desire around Thanksgiving and Christmas is meaningful connection with others. Why the gap between what is anticipated and what is experienced? Though results varied slightly by generation, a few pronounced themes emerged that are worth our attention.

Slow Down

One of the primary causes of stress during the holidays is attributed to “lack of time.” If we already lead busy lives, the hustle and bustle of the holidays often produces an excess of hurry and worry. When the body is hurried, when the schedule is busy, it actually creates a frazzled, distracted mind. This degrades our health and constrains our capacity to be present, even to ourselves. Loss of self-awareness is also accompanied by unintentionally placing unrealistic expectations on others to meet our needs, which results in frustration and disappointment.  Proverbs 19:2 reminds us, “Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way.”

Haste is defined as “excessive speed or urgency of movement or action; hurry.” By trying to find our way too quickly, we may end up missing it. In the days before I understood the value of rest, I would just keep going until my body became so exhausted that I was left with no other option than to stop. On occasion, I still fall into becoming a task master, so overly focused on tackling my check list that I don’t even pay attention to the cashier or the lonely elderly lady in front of me! At the end of the day, even if I achieved all my goals, I noticed that I still felt empty, like something was missing. As Proverbs 19:2 reveals, that’s because something was!

Slowing down not only helps us to be more efficient by applying our energy to the current activity, but it also helps us to find more joy in the process. Consider ways to invite fellowship into your tasks. My mother invites a friend to help wrap gifts. Shop together! Have a baking party! The possibilities are endless. Being productive in good company can revitalize routine errands, make accomplishing to-do list items more enjoyable, and add a few laughs too.

If we want to keep our way, we must also prioritize restful periods between our efforts to maintain peace and recharge.

Notice that slowing down requires effort. Slowing down makes us aware of our surroundings and attentive to the moment at hand. Think about what happens in other areas when they are rushed. When I eat at lightning speed, I don’t taste my food. Therefore, I don’t enjoy it, and I’m left unsatisfied, wanting more. When I read the Word of God but don't digest it, my spirit does not receive nourishment. Likely, when we interact with others but have no exchange of giving and receiving, our soul is not satisfied. A noisy mind deprives us of the ability to truly connect. Often, others perceive when we are physically present but mentally checked out, and they may associate the lack of engagement as a lack of caring. Building meaningful relationships requires us to be present.  Hurrying makes us self-centered and removes fulfillment in relationships. Understanding this concept is meant to motivate a change of pace. When we trust God to meet our needs, we have the ability to extend love and minister to others out of overflow and see how we can meet their needs. Indeed, here is the instruction given to us on how to live in Philippians 2:3, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or empty pride, but in humility consider others more important than yourselves.”

If you look at the life of Jesus, you’ll see that He was never in a hurry. This allowed him to minister to others. His example shows us how slowing down to care for those in need is more fulfilling than getting to check off another box. Jesus came to serve and not be served. And He put relationships first!

Be Realistic

Women are particularly affected by stress during the holidays because they often strive to make them perfect for their families. Check yourself to see if doing something you ‘need to’ is truly for the benefit of your family or if it feeds your own need for self-worth. God provides comfort and security, meeting all of your needs through communion with Him and those He brings into your path...apart from what you DO. Our family might not place the same emphasis on getting that ‘thing’ done either. Their underappreciation is liable to make certain efforts feel void, which usually counters the actual intention to make them feel loved.

What if the house in perfect order took a back seat to watching a Christmas movie or playing games together? If hosting is your gift and you enjoy cooking, gift wrapping, and other preparations, go for it! But, if you are only doing certain tasks because you ‘should’ or ‘need to,’ consider redefining expectations or eliminating certain unfulfilling traditions and starting new ones! Instead of focusing on what you are losing, consider what you would be gaining: quality time, joy, peace, energy, and so much more!

Something I did to reduce stress and ease the holidays was stop sending Christmas cards. If you cherish this element of the holidays, I understand this may seem extreme. For me, sending cards felt tedious and more routine than meaningful. I actually love giving cards, but my preference is to give them spontaneously when a message for someone is placed on my heart. Now, this is with the caveat that I’m single; I don’t have a big family update or pictures with my children, so I have found more peace with dropping this from my holiday repertoire. With my schedule and phase of life, this was a worthy trade-off. Another alternative employed by my aunt is sending a family Thanksgiving card. That way you still stay in touch with those you love without the added time crunch during Christmas when other priorities are imminent. If you can get your family on board with forming new traditions or doing things a little differently to create more space for connecting, it’s worth letting a few ‘obligations’ go!

Give of Your Heart

Another significant source of pressure during Christmas comes from the financial burden associated with gift giving and hosting. Assuming the role of primary provider, men often carry the weight of this burden, unless you are a single mother. A pause is necessary to shout out to single parent homes - you are superheroes! Regardless of your situation, the financial strain is prevalent. Media will continue to distort the purpose of Christmas through emphasizing giving the best, most expensive gifts. Every giver wants to see that overjoyed expression on the recipient’s face when their gift is opened, but we must keep in mind that these are merely material things. And how often these gifts are forgotten as the next shiny thing takes their place. Let’s be real, many times, within a month or two that gift is collecting dust. Can I get an amen from all the parents out there?!

But there are gifts that have lasting, eternal value. Instead of slaving to provide a temporary pleasure, give a listening ear. Offer someone encouragement. Support someone in need by volunteering with a friend or family. Exchange over-time hours for quality time with your family. Go watch your niece’s Christmas play. These gifts not only provide true satisfaction for others and create memories that last a lifetime, but these are also the kind of gifts that give back!

There are financial demands associated with the holidays but keeping them in perspective is more than half the battle into maintaining peace! Giving gifts is a joyous thing, but we must make sure to maintain focus on the true meaning of Christmas and promote that within our families. Your presence is the most loving gift you can offer anyone! Nothing shows someone they are more valued than giving them your time and attention.

According to psychological research, this is what people desire the most during the holidays. One of the key conclusions of an assessment performed by Healthline states: “the most important aspects of the holidays are the opportunities to connect or reconnect with friends and family.” As we discussed, often a hectic mentality removes us from actually being present to enjoy what we desire most. By shifting our focus to spending quality time with loved ones and taking time away from our normal schedule to connect and slow down, we ensure improved satisfaction from what matters, interactions that have eternal value and provide real fulfillment.

Get Connected

This isn’t always as easy as it sounds, or we’d already be doing it. Though connection is the most desired attribute of the holiday season, it also makes the top three list for holiday stressors. Relationships can be our greatest source of satisfaction...or our greatest source of stress/frustration. Emotions run high during the holiday season, which has a tendency to elevate our vulnerabilities. Little things that wouldn’t normally bother us may blow out of proportion at the smallest trigger. With an overload of family gatherings, events, and work parties, exposure to people or situations we want to avoid, makes the holidays challenging.

When David inquires about killing the taunting Philistine giant, Goliath, upon his arrival at the Israelite battlefront in 1 Samuel 17, his brother drops some harsh words, reminding David of his lowly past and calling him conceited with a wicked heart. Instead of letting these words penetrate, look at what David does in verse 30, “Then he turned away from him toward another…” Had David heeded this criticism, it could have discouraged him from the moment that would expose his character, bravery, and skill to those he would one day lead as king. A fire dies for lack of fuel. Often, responsibility falls on us to stop reacting to the argument, walk away, and guard our heart. While their relationship hungers for healing, the timing was not right. David cut his brother off to preserve his joy, maintain his peace, and focus his energy where it was required - to be effectively present to himself and others.

Occasions that require close quarters with strained relationships may be triggering, which usually results in a lot of stress! This is where boundaries are necessary to gain emotional space. Instead of overplaying scenarios, bottling up, lashing out, or forming a protective wall, setting appropriate boundaries protects you while allowing God to go to work in the relationship. God cannot maneuver around walls, but He can work around boundaries to improve the dynamic while preserving your heart and mind. We cannot control or change another person, but through humility and forgiveness, God can redeem and restore relationships.

Due to finances, circumstances, location, or loss of loved ones, some people might experience greater loneliness as it is not possible to  be near loved ones. To some degree, I am familiar with the depth of this loneliness. My first holiday away from family found me at an in-patient eating disorder treatment facility across the country. Because I was not in a healthy state, I harbored feelings of sadness and envied others who were able to be close with family and friends.

After this recovery program, I relapsed to realize in subsequent years that even when I was with my family for the holidays, I still felt lonely. Year after year, my struggle with food completely robbed me of my ability to be engaged in the present. Frequent exposure to food, alcohol, parties, shopping, unhealthy relationships, and a number of other activities require boundaries and support to navigate during this season for almost everyone. Another common holiday thread unveiled through research is people’s tendency to fall into unhealthy habits or lose the consistency of new healthy patterns that were established. Spending time with God, exercising, eating well, making time for friends, and the activities that contribute to enhanced health may decline if we do not maintain self-awareness, rest, and connection.

When I was unable to handle my emotions, addictive binge eating became my coping mechanism. Every holiday gathering with its endless sea of food resulted in a severe struggle that I usually did not win. Eventually, this cycle of defeat drove me deeper into despair. I couldn’t see how things would ever be different, and I began to dread the holidays. Even though I was loved, I felt so alone. More than anything, I desired connection but couldn’t form life-giving relationships because I was not mentally well. I felt embarrassed. I felt ashamed. In every other area of my life, I was strong. I actually felt more distant at home with my struggles on display for all to see. It almost felt more painful to be close to loved ones and feel distant than to have miles between us, a reason to feel alone that did not point entirely back to me. Memories of the holidays during these years were merely a blur. Despite my hopelessness, all of that was overcome to experience greater joy than I could have ever imagined...

After I developed a relationship with God, I hit the pause button to take care of myself and heal past wounds.  Maladaptive behaviors progressively ceased as my needs were met through healthier channels. Instead of focusing on external behavior modification, I finally worked on the inside, found security in my identity outside of performance, and learned to build genuine, supportive relationships. This changed everything.

This time when, Christmas again found me states apart from my family, I didn’t feel alone. I was able to press into the true meaning of Christmas - the gift God gave the world through His Son Jesus Christ. Somehow peace guarded my heart, and I knew that if I never had anything more, God’s love was and would always be enough and life was worth living because of what He did for me. Sitting on the couch in my apartment, illuminated only by a beautifully decorated tree, my heart was glowing from nothing this earth could take away.

It was during this time that I understood the significance and value of developing close relationships. If we do not build healthy relationships, we will form unhealthy ones. And not just with people but with food, money, our job, shopping, or anything used as an escape from temporary, insatiable emotions that only relieves and covers up but doesn’t heal. Emotional stability and self-awareness are critical to navigating healthy relationships.

Changing how we operate in a long-term dysfunctional relationship or forming new relationships can be scary, especially if people in our past disappointed or hurt us. Often a strained relationship reveals where we are in need of internal work. I used to be terrified of confrontation, a well-practiced avoider and people-pleaser. In my situation, taking responsibility for my behavior and uprooting lies allowed me to heal, learn, and not risk repeating the same patterns. Learning to communicate boundaries, even in healthy relationships, relieved stress and released weight I didn’t even know I was carrying. I watched my confidence and self-worth improve along with my ability to handle interactions in every area. The change didn’t start with others...it started with ME!

And that was only the beginning. We can’t give what we don’t have, but after a long and hard season of investing in myself, my heart gained the capacity to extend love to others. My pain has now become the passion and purpose I live for! To encourage and empower others and watch them start to believe in themselves is the greatest gift I could ever give. And this gift gives back fulfillment to my soul far beyond what I put into it! We are hard-wired to experience joy and blessing by sharing what we have.

At one point, I didn’t have money to give material gifts, but I could provide the gifts of hope, encouragement, a listening ear, compassion, understanding, and time. With boundaries and periods of refreshing in place, I was shocked to discover how much joy I experienced when the holidays became about others instead of me. This mentality allowed me to embrace deeper levels of intimacy surrounding the holiday even amidst being single the last six years. I’ve actually come to cherish the quiet, reflective Christmas mornings before commuting to spend time with loved ones.

Let’s refute the words of well-reputed psychologist Carl Jung, “people are too busy to live emotionally healthy and spiritually awake,” by slowing down this holiday season. Trust as we set aside mental traffic, tame the to-do list with perspective, and make more effort to engage in connections, our joy will be enhanced, and we will give the most meaningful gifts that create precious memories and last for a lifetime! 

 Stress is a natural response within the body meant to aid its survival. Under a threat, your body switches into flight or fight mode, elevating adrenaline levels to enable you to fight or escape. Likewise, when a harmful substance enters your body, inflammation is the default response to boost your immune system, which increases your ability to get rid of perceived harm. In both cases, stress has an outlet, accomplishes its purpose, and the body returns to a peaceful state.

Problems arise when stress is not properly alleviated. Prolonged periods in a heightened state lead to limited function. Chronic stress is like poison to our soul. It causes disorder, confusion, tension, destruction, and division, which are not part of our divine make up. 1 Corinthians 14:33 states “For God is not a God of disorder but of peace...”

Stressful triggers are unavoidable in life. They attack from all angles, especially through our relationships, thoughts, and the substances we put into our body. Scientific studies continue to uncover the negative effects of unhealthy relationships and anxious thinking on degrading health. Thankfully, God created us with the ability to filter out the negative! While some stress is taken care of without conscious effort, other types require our intervention.

The apostle Matthew emphasizes the importance of removing these stumbling blocks that disturb our peace in

Cutting off a hand is an extreme analogy that Matthew uses intentionally to get our attention! The consequences of attaching yourself to anything with the potential to harm you are so serious that complete separation, even if you lose something of utility, is better than losing yourself.

If you have ever experienced food poisoning or an allergic reaction, you are aware of the body’s intrinsic mechanism to evacuate harmful components out of your system. Without hesitation, all other functions are halted to prioritize the work of your immune system. Your body makes every effort to flush out dangerous threats before they become destructive. With the same intensity, our response to negative thoughts and bad influences should be to pause all other activities and clean out impurities until peace is restored.

In fact, we can learn something very valuable from what happens in our body when foreign, toxic substances are introduced. The body basically responds in two ways. The first line of action is to expel the harmful substance out of your body. Less painful than with toxic overdose or food poisoning, your body has a natural process to eliminate harmful things on a daily basis through your waste stream. This normal, day to day monitoring is not too taxing on your system. Avoiding all bad foods is nearly impossible. So, we have a natural system in place that regulates the flux of fillers, additives, toxins, and chemicals in food to maintain proper function.

When we are consistently eating foods with harmful ingredients, our digestive system is constantly working in our stomach and GI system. Because expelling toxic substances is its priority, the immune system doesn’t have time to heal other parts of your body. And overload causes organs to lose function, lowers metabolism and sets the stage for disease.

Over time toxins accumulate, and the immune system cannot keep up, which leads to your body’s second response. If expelling incoming hazardous ingredients is not possible, they are stored in or converted to fat. In other words, if we can’t clear harmful things out we absorb them in added weight. Visceral fat surrounding the abdomen is mainly caused by unbalanced hormones (in particular, cortisol from stress) and excess sugar or trans fat consumption.

Likewise, if we do not expel toxic thoughts, our body remains in high alert mode, storing up tension. The words in our head are alive and powerful. They do much more than clutter up our brain space. A leading researcher in the neurological field, Dr. Caroline Leaf has extensively investigated the power of thinking2. Harboring negative, critical, or condemning thoughts literally rewires pathways in our brain. The neural network becomes damaged, causing confused, disruptive thinking, which promotes anxiety. In other words, toxic thinking causes stress that adds weight on our mind.

In 2 Corinthians 10:5, Paul tells us that to keep our mind in a peaceful state, every thought must be taken into careful consideration.

Thoughts fly around our heads like fall leaves on a windy day. Using MRI technology to identify transitions in neurological signals, psychologists at Queen's University in Kingston, Ontario determined that the average person has over 6,000 thoughts per day3. That’s a lot of thinking!

 Like our immune system, God created a channel for our mind to purge impure, deceptive and condemning thoughts. Through discernment from the Holy Spirit living in each of us, lies are cut out before they take root. Replacing them with the truth releases their weight. Renewing the mind is a process that requires training. You don’t have to tell your immune system what is toxic or not. In essence, a coding system identifies foreign intruders and automatically goes to work. When you operate from your Spirit, you will become highly sensitive to a disturbance in your peace, which notifies you that something is trying to invade and it’s time for action! Every time you cut the stressor off and change the cycle, the new path is reinforced.

If you knew a McDonald’s egg and cheese sandwich was going to give you food poisoning, you wouldn’t eat it, right?! My example is specific because that was my experience in grade school that haunts me, and I haven’t touched one since! My brain associates eating that breakfast sandwich with ingesting poison.

As a protective response, I developed an aversion to going anywhere near one!

In my case, I let a lot of toxicity build up before doing damage control. Being proactive in monitoring thoughts and relationships where possible, weeds out the bad seeds before they have a chance to grow roots. To be successful in this, we must be able to identify what is bad

for us. That would be easy if everything toxic had a big Mr. Yuk symbol on it! As life has likely revealed, many things that have the capability to cause us harm are not so obvious. Some hide behind an appealing allure. Sometimes what starts out healthy becomes toxic. We may not recognize connections or behaviors as unhealthy because the toxicity occurred for so long that we adopted it as normal. Perhaps we only realize that something is hurting us when the rotten fruit emerges.

I developed an eating disorder in college; I was not overweight...physically. But toxicity from years of ‘not good enough’ thinking and lack of supportive relationships were corrupting my soul. My achievements and social life appeared to be so well put together, but inside I was screaming for acceptance and approval void of performance. The weight of perfectionism coupled with my inability to form supportive relationships led me on a path of destruction.

When things got bad enough, I finally became willing to treat the threat of perfectionistic thinking as seriously as McDonald’s egg & cheese sandwiches.

I was humbled to realize that my greatest source of stress was my own expectations. These are the places I strain and strive to prove myself strong and capable. What a sobering realization. Most tension I experience on a daily basis is fabricated by unnecessary pressure...that I put on myself. One of the biggest hindrances to stop the binge eating behaviors that were destroying my life was the stress I carried over thinking I would have to eat perfectly to stop messing up. No one eats perfectly. I was destined to fail with that mindset. God never demanded perfection, but surrender and humility.

With God, accountability, and awareness, I was able to separate from toxic behaviors, renew my thinking and begin the process of healing. At first, this took a lot of emotional and mental work, but now my Spirit is the main operating system. Life-giving relationships around me gently point out glitches.

We are called to do our best to detoxify our life and let God work out the rest. Nobody wants to add unnecessary stress in their life or carry extra weight, yet I was unaware of how much of it I was welcoming into my life. Each season of life brings new levels of vulnerability and uncertainty. You might have to cut off your hand over, and over, and over again. The more intentional we become at filtering out the negative, the less bad seeds have a chance to gain ground. This creates more room for the good and allows us to focus our energy on the battles we are meant to fight!

 REFERENCES:

Cole, Will. “The Science Behind How Toxic Relationships Affect Your Mental Health.” Dr Will Cole: the Future of Natural Healthcare, (n.d.), https://drwillcole.com/mindful-living/the-science-behind-how-toxic-relationships-affect-your-health.

Dr. Caroline Leaf. (2018, June 8). Tip 16: Why Toxic Thinking is so Dangerous! [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3ZTfRtfxO0.

3. Tseng, J., Poppenk, J. Brain meta-state transitions demarcate thoughts across task contexts exposing the mental noise of trait neuroticism. Nat Commun 11, 3480 (2020). https://doi.org/10.1038/s41467-020-17255-9

 What produces life? consider how a plant makes a fruitful living. Through its roots, it consumes water from the earth and nutrients from the soil. It takes in sunlight and uses carbon dioxide to activate photosynthesis. In return, the plant grows, provides fragrance, produces seeds, and delivers oxygen to the world within its influence.

Likewise, think about the operational framework to build a successful business. A business acquires and consumes resources to develop them into something of value to supply to the world, typically a product or a service. As a result of giving back, the business grows and thrives.

Parallels throughout our world illustrate a fundamental foundation for living: what is consumed is meant to supply. God designed human beings - you and me - to thrive under the same principle. Our mind, our body, and our spirit consume through our senses, continually, {this is the main idea of the article, you could also say it this way: (Each day we influence the health, wellbeing and strength of our mind, body and spirit through the things we see, hear, feel and eat.)} Unfortunately, we live in a broken world full of consumables designed to discourage, tear down, and destroy us. 1 John 2:16-17 emphasizes the unfulfilling nature of consuming temporal pleasures and hint at a better way of living.

16 For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world. 17 The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.

Social media, TV, news, and the opinions of people are begging us to take a bite of these deceiving things. If we consistently listen to these misleading voices, we may end up defining relationships, parenting, success, status, career choices, or our value based on the voice of the world instead of the voice of our Heavenly Father.

As a non-traditional, tail-end millennial who didn’t own a smartphone until age 29 and cringes at learning new technology, social media never planted roots on my phone. But even without social media, the voices I listened to growing up did not build value in me. They drove me into a perfectionistic and people-pleasing mindset that twisted my self-worth and sense of belonging. Adopting the voices, I consumed as my own, they ended up consuming me. Through them I formed the belief that I was not good enough. That I must continually please and perform for acceptance and approval. Other voices that supplied encouragement and unconditional love were there, but I pushed them aside to feast on the more familiar ideas.

What we consume has the potential to improve our well-being or cause our health to deteriorate. Since we must all consume to live, and we are already consuming from somewhere, we would be wise to carefully consider the source. The needs we are seeking are legitimate, but where we go to satisfy them matters.

As part of our divine make-up, relationships, words of truth, rest, and food are required to nourish our soul and body and build up our spirit. One of the most tangible yet most challenging areas that affects our health is what we eat. God designed our physical body to consume food to supply our body with energy and nutrients. Too often energy and nutrients are left out.

And oh, how I left them out! At first, I didn’t know better. My eating choices were unintentional and misinformed. But the hard truth is, even when I came to know better, I struggled severely for over a decade with eating and overeating all the wrong things. And anything. My food was serving a much different purpose than God intended. Instead of fueling and prospering my body, it supplied pleasure to my taste buds, created an escape from the busyness of everyday life, and covered up the emotional pain I carried inside. Convenience, boredom, stress...any excuse to eat. Eventually, food became the answer to all my problems. The small window of satisfaction or temporary relief was always short-lived. As a result of consuming from places with no nourishment over time, my health - mental and physical - suffered.

No matter where your health stands, be encouraged! Our bodies quickly recover when proper nourishment allows them to operate as God designed them...and it’s never too late to make a change! Specialists recommend eating foods that contain vitamins, minerals, and other nutrients. These foods supply you with energy to enjoy life and fulfill your purpose! Changing sources is often a process and takes time. Before I was able to start eating clean, it took a doctoral degree book to convince me, severe health complications to motivate me, accountability to help me, and a very concentrated effort to prepare me. Eight years later, eating balanced and healthy is still a struggle at times, but it’s much, much easier.

 If you do not know where to start, avoiding processed and packaged foods is an excellent beginning step. Start small by implementing do-able, nutrient-filled substitutes for foods you already eat. Release the pressure to eat perfectly or change too much at once. Take little steps to reach your goals, unless underlying conditions require otherwise.

Consuming from sources void of nutrients never satisfies, and as a result we often keep consuming without reaping any benefit...until we change our source. In Christ we have an unlimited source that always satisfies:

(Add a transition sentence or two to go from food to spirit that leads into the scripture)

John 4:14 But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.

Ultimately, we are wired to enter into a relationship with God to nourish our Spirit, which supplies every area of our lives and enables us to operate at our full potential. Consuming from non-beneficial sources may cause us to get full and lose our appetite. Then we risk filling up and not saving room for things that have lasting, eternal value.

I challenge you to be intentional about what you consume first. Consume the Word of God first. Spend time with family first. Fill your schedule with life-giving relationships first. Eat healthy first. Take care of yourself first.

Behavioral health science evaluates quality of life based on choices we make that impact our health. Some things are out of our control. We cannot always help what we see or hear, but

we can choose what we consume. With increased awareness, you will begin to see correlations between what you are consuming and what it produces in you. This understanding cultivates extra motivation to redirect when temptation enters.

Once we start consuming from satisfying sources, new life and energy literally bubbles up within us like a spring! As a natural response, a supply is produced in us that trickles out and blesses others. Pope Francis captures the essence of giving from what we receive:

“Nothing in nature lives for itself. The rivers do not drink their own water; the trees do not eat their own fruit; the sun does not shine on itself and flowers do not spread their fragrance for themselves. Living for others is a rule of nature. We are all born to help each other. No matter how difficult it is...Life is good when you are happy; but much better when others are happy because of you.”

None of these entities would be fruitful if modeled only for consumption. And neither would we.

We were made to be filled by life-giving sources that supply us and overflow to others. God reveals the beauty of His handiwork in creation being designed to overflow in Psalm 65:12

The wilderness pastures overflow, and the hills are robed with joy.

Instead of being robbed of fulfillment, by consuming to supply we will be robed with abundant joy as we operate in our divine nature!